


not so typical love song

by solange_lol



Series: netflix party [3]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan, The Trials of Apollo - Rick Riordan
Genre: Alive Bianca di Angelo, Angst, E-mail, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Love Simon AU, M/M, Outing, PJO Big Bang 2019, solangelo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2020-11-07 17:01:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 22,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20820731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solange_lol/pseuds/solange_lol
Summary: Nico and Will have been exchanging secret emails; the secret being they’re both gay, but not out at their school.Unfortunately for Nico, a certain student trying to hook up with his best friend finds these conversations. Drama and romance ensue, as Nico and Will begin to fall in love.But is it possible to love someone when you don’t know their identity? And can they keep their love when Nico is forced to come out and his identity is revealed?A solangelo Love, Simon AU





	1. Rollarcoaster

**Author's Note:**

> heres the big bang fic that i swear ive been working on!!!! while its not complete quite yet, i have a set posting schedule after today so hopefully it should be finished soon!  
special thanks to my betas: shelby (shelbychild) and jay (wisdom-walks-alone) who were HUGE in not only editing my fic but also helping me through certain plot lines that i werent sure would come across well! this fic is possible becuase of them  
another thanks to my artist liz (lizzybizzyo) who created four BEAUTIFUL pieces for this fic! i cried when i saw all of them!!!! you can find those on her tumblr (previous) or on mine @solange-lol once theyre posted!  
FAIR WARNING: in case you havent seen the movie or read the book, this fic does include scenes from both that may include swearing, drinking, as well as homophobia (to an extent) and forced coming out. specific warnings will also be given at the beginning of every chapter  
thats all i have to say, enjoy the fic!  
(p.s: all the chapter titles are songs from the original movie soundtrack and all chapter summaries are quotes from thatever song the chapter was named after! you can find the playlist on spotify by looking up 'love simon')

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"So come a little closer_   
_There was something I can tell ya_   
_It was such a rollercoaster_   
_And a killer queen you are"_   


Nico is staring at his computer, wordless. This isn't writer's block or surprise; it’s just the unknown reality of what this situation could lead to.

Another gay kid in his school. Another gay kid that isn’t Mitchell—who’s been out since 8th grade, and the only one to be out since then. Another kid at their school who’s hiding a secret. 

Nico doesn’t even know if this kid is a boy or a girl or _ what _ , and frankly, he doesn’t care. There’s another kid like _ him _. And he has no idea how to respond to the post.

The post is a submission from their school’s gossip blog on Tumblr, the notorious ‘hb-secrets.’ Piper had called him an hour ago, asking if he’d seen it yet.

“Seen what?” he had responded.

“The post on hb-secrets? About the closeted gay kid?” It hit Nico like a wall of bricks as he quickly went to pull up the website. _ Did somebody know? _ It was a relief when he saw the clipart Ferris wheel and a few short lines submitted by a blog called _ blue0919. _

“I bet it’s that Brazilian sophomore. Paolo or whatever? Or maybe it’s Connor Stoll! I swear he’s been flirting with Mitchell, but Annabeth keeps telling me that he’s into Lacy or someone,” Piper continued as he read, but it was going in one ear and out the other as he processed the words on the screen

_ Sometimes I feel like I’m stuck on a Ferris wheel. One minute I’m on top of the world, and the next minute I’m at rock bottom. Over and over all day long, because a lot of my life is great. But nobody knows I’m gay. _

“Gotta go. I’ll talk later,” Nico said quickly, switching off his phone. He knew it would raise suspicion, but it felt like time was turning in on itself. Nobody knew about Nico. In fact, nobody ever even _ suspected _. He’s never been called names besides “Death Boy.” And yet, there were the exact words that described his life, written out in front of him like they were a second thought.

And now, he was staring at his computer with an empty Gmail draft open. The original poster had left their email at the end of the post, so Nico after glancing quickly at his Panic! at the Disco poster still proudly hanging on his wall, typed out a new address. He was stuck, though, unsure of what to say from here. 

So, he started from the beginning.

**From:** bettertoburn@gmail.com

**To:** blue0919@gmail.com

**Date:** Oct 2 at 6:48 PM

**Subject: **Hey

_ Somehow you’ve managed to type exactly what I feel. Sorta scary, as if you’re inside my head or something. Maybe it’s just a gay thing to be speaking in metaphors about the pressure of everyday society. _

_ That’s what I am. Gay. I don’t know if I’ve ever really said it out loud to myself. _

_ It’s weird because I never really had a perfectly normal life. My mom died when I was young, so I never really got to meet her. My sister and I have always been super close until she went away to college. Now, not as much. I guess that’s just what happens when you live a million miles away. _

_ And I’ve known my stepmom longer than I knew my real mom, but it was only a few years ago when I met my half-sister when she came to live with us because her mom died as well. Meaning, she isn’t the daughter of my stepmom. It’s a long story, and not really one I want to get into. _

_ She’s super nice though. It’s funny, but despite being polar opposites with my older sister, they’re both mushy inside. Same with my stepmom. And my dad… he tries his best. We’re like exactly what you expect from a slightly broken family. Plus my dog who my cousin gave to me during a rough time. Honestly, she’s probably my favorite sibling out of them all. (Both my sisters would kill me if they knew I wrote that.) _

_ And then there are my friends. I have some that are closer than others; Two of them I’ve known for a while now, and one who I only met recently but treats me better than some of the people I’ve known my whole life. While I admit, I’m not the most social person in the world, they’re pretty amazing as far as friends go. _

_ So there it is. My perfectly normal life. Except for that huge ass secret. _

He typed and retyped each line what felt like a thousand times, deleting word after word. He didn't know what was too much. It all felt like too much, really. He didn’t even know if he could trust this person.

Signing it was the worst part; he didn’t have any good pseudonyms. Eventually, he decided to leave it blank.

Without a second thought, Nico hit ‘send’ before leaning back in his chair and putting his hands over his head. Only a second later, a light knock came from the door, causing him to quickly sit up as Hazel popped her head in.

“Dinner’s ready if you wanna eat,” she smiled. She left just as quickly as she came, curls bouncing as she walked away. They had gotten over the awkwardness of having a new sibling only months after Hazel moved in, but there was still some strangeness. To this day, Nico was still a lot closer to her than Bianca was. Either way, Nico knew he would do anything for her. (Not that he would admit that. He didn't even need to, Hazel already knew.)

Nico glanced back at his computer, but there was nothing in his inbox besides the Gmail “Welcome” email. It was stupid to think this person would respond that quickly, seeing as Nico didn't even know if they would respond at all. Heaving a sigh, he got up to join his family for dinner. Maybe he could even convince them to watch _ Steven Universe _ instead of _ The Bachelor. _

* * *

Dinner went as expected. It’d been a while, actually, since they were all together for a meal. Hazel talked about her psycho geometry teacher and a boy she talked in the class named Frank, who seemed sweet but apparently had a shared hatred for math just like her. Nico didn’t say much, although chimed in at the latter, saying he better be the flower boy at their wedding. That even got a short scoff out of his father, which tended to be the closest Nico ever got him laughing. So, that was a win. 

However, he was a little more distant than usual. The pending email response was in the back of his mind during the entire meal.

Even afterward, as they watched reruns of _ Glee _ (a compromise made between Hazel and Nico, much to their father’s dismay), Nico couldn’t focus. It felt like a weight was burning through his back pocket. After the second episode (and laughing his ass off at his father’s reaction to Kurt’s ‘Single Ladies’ dance) he finally excused himself. 

He tapped the Gmail app on his phone as soon as he had reached his room. It felt like his heart skipped a beat when he noticed the new notification, a response from the original poster. With slightly shaky hands, he tapped the response, and a message opened up.

**From:** blue0919@gmail.com

**To: **bettertoburn@gmail.com

**Date:** Oct 2 at 8:12 PM

**Subject: **I’ve never done this before

_ Dear anonymous person on the internet, _

_ I really don’t know where to begin. I’m also not sure if you're a real person. For all I know you could be some random pedophile like one of those cases they warned us about in health class for the past 5 years, even though it’s never happened within the last decade. _

_ But in case you are real, hello! I’m the original poster from that hb-secrets thread about life being a Ferris wheel. I’m rereading what I wrote there and I can’t stop cringing, so I’ll start by apologizing for that. I’m not usually one for metaphors, even the bad ones. _

_ Anyway, it sounds like you identify with what I wrote. I’m glad you emailed me; I didn’t think anyone would actually do anything with the email that I left. Except maybe be extremely homophobic. But it made me feel less like I was shouting into the void, so thanks for that. And I assume you’re okay with me writing back since you sent me the first email. Though, I can’t believe I’m actually writing to you. I really didn’t think I would. _

_ I guess I’m thinking it could be nice to talk with someone who can relate to how I’m feeling. No pressure, of course, but feel free to write back if you want to. I don’t want to use my real name, but you can call me Blue. _

It was surreal. Someone who was like Nico. Someone who_ wanted _to talk to Nico because they were like him. 

He started to type again, with more excitement than he’s ever felt. He’s never been able to express this part of him before. It was almost like first date jitters-type feeling. 

(Not that he really knew what that was like.)

**From:** bettertoburn@gmail.com

**To:** blue0919@gmail.com

**Date: **Oct 2 at 8:23 PM

**Subject: **Re: I’ve never done this before

_ Hi, Blue _

_ Wow, I’m actually kind of flipping out right now, because I seriously didn’t think I’d hear from you, especially so quickly. Wow. Okay. First of all, thanks for your email and also for your Tumblr post. I really liked it, Blue, and it wasn’t cringy at all, I promise. _

_ So do you go here (here meaning HBHS)? I do, I’m a junior. And I’m a guy (are you a guy?) Anyway, I could relate a lot to your post, Like, pretty much all of it, but especially the part about being gay. You probably figured that out already though. And I’m not out yet either, which you probably figured that part out too. _

_ I guess a part of me wants to be out, but a part of me’s like… no. It’s hard to explain. I don’t know. Maybe you get it. _

_ So yeah, it’s really nice to meet you! This is kind of cool, right? Even writing this email makes me feel eleven times less alone. _

_ -Angel (not my real name either, two can play at this game. It’s not like a pet-name type thing. If you ever find out who I am, you’ll understand why.) _

He was worried about the whole name-signing thing. ‘Angel’ was just the easiest thing; it was a direct translation of his last name. He was really hoping Blue still didn’t take it in a weird way, even with that last note.

Relief flooded through him when he read the first sentence of Blue’s next email. 

**From:** blue0919@gmail.com

**To: **bettertoburn@gmail.com

**Date:** Oct 2 at 8:41 PM

**Subject: **Re: I’ve never done this before

_ Angel, huh? Maybe like guardian angel perhaps. _

_ Also, eleven times less alone? That’s oddly specific. :) But I know exactly what you mean. _

_ Anyway, wow. Hi. You wrote back, and quickly too. I’m really glad you liked my post. Now I’m actually happy I put it out there. I have to admit, it’s strange to be writing a somewhat personal email to you when we don’t know each other’s identities. Though, in a way, I guess that makes it easier. Sorta like a therapist, except we’re both blindfolded and have the same problem. So not really a therapist, I guess. _

_ Do you think therapists have therapists? Like, if the problems get to be too much for them? Is there an Almighty Therapist who just absorbs everyone's issues and feels nothing? _

_ Anyway, I am a guy, and I’m also a junior at HB. I think you’re actually the first other gay guy I’ve met here. It’s pretty surreal to be talking to you. (In a good way though.) I wonder if we know each other in real life. _

_ And I think I understand what you mean. I feel like I’m constantly going back and forth about wanting to come out. I have these moments where I’m almost bursting to tell people. Of course, that’s where I was when I posted the thing on Tumblr. But I always feel so weird about it a few hours later, and sometimes I’m intensely relieved no one knows yet. What about you? _

_ -Blue _

**From:** bettertoburn@gmail.com

**To:** blue0919@gmail.com

**Date:** Oct 2 at 9:12 PM

**Subject: **Re: I’ve never done this before

_ I mean, let’s be real, eleven is the best number, which is perfect because we’re both in eleventh grade. And I can't believe we’re both juniors. The class is pretty small compared to the others, so I bet we do know each other, which is weird to think about. What if we’re actually enemies in real life? Do you have enemies? I don’t think I do, not really. Various people tend to annoy me a lot. It’s not even their fault; some people just have really punchable faces. _

_ (I’m usually a really nonviolent person. I’m more like a violent person who at the same doesn’t really want to hurt anyone, so I have to resort to fantasizing about punching people, which just ends in eating my feelings in large quantities of McDonald’s.) _

_ It’s funny for me, it’s actually not so much that go back and forth about wanting to come out. It’s like I simultaneously do and don’t want to be out. Which is pretty freaking exhausting, honestly. Like I’m in this constant state of JUST SAY IT and NO NEVER. Do you think that ever ends? I don’t know, maybe I’m just a really indecisive person. I think part of me is also just holding out until college when I’m away from anyone I know and can just reinvent myself. _

_ So what kind of stuff do you like to do after school and everything? _

_ -Angel _

**From:** blue0919@gmail.com

**To: **bettertoburn@gmail.com

**Date:** Oct 2 at 9:34 PM

**Subject: **Re: I’ve never done this before

_ I don’t think I have any enemies, but now I’m definitely wondering if I’m the guy with the punchable face. How do you know if you have a punchable face? I’ve never been punched, so hopefully, that’s a good sign. _

_ I will say, I’m definitely with you on the issue of eating your feelings. I’m the person who has never smoked a cigarette or gotten drunk or anything like that, and I'm usually relatively healthy. However, I once ate five jars of Nutella in one sitting. I do not recommend, _

_ I’m indecisive, too, in some ways. Okay, full disclosure: I was really conflicted when you sent me that email. I kept going back and forth about whether I should email you. I was (and am) definitely intrigued, but I guess I was also a little bit paranoid. It’s just that you could have been anyone, and it’s hard to know sometimes if someone’s being a jerk or if they’re being sincere. Plus my cousin sort of actually outed me. Not to anyone else, he’s the only one who knows, but now I’m super paranoid about coming out. (Exactly what you said about holding out until college. I’m thinking I can move to LA or somewhere where nobody really cares. Although I wouldn’t want to reinvent myself. And I don’t want you to reinvent yourself either, you’re pretty cool as you are I think.) Anyway, I’m really glad I decided to email you, though. _

_ So, you’re probably going to think I’m ridiculous, but I’d rather not answer your last question. It’s just… I think I like being anonymous for now. Is that okay? _

_ -Blue _

Okay, that last part was fair. Nico understood the wanting-to-be-anonymous thing. Sure, they go to the same school. But Blue had no reason to entirely trust him; Nico didn’t really trust Blue at all. This could entirely be some random asshole anywhere in the world trying to find him and beat him up, or worse. It sucked that homophobia was still a thing in their day and age. 

But Blue said he liked talking to Nico, and it was thrilling to talk to him. It was another secret of his, but not one he entirely minded keeping. So, he chose to believe that Blue was actually who he said he was. 

**From:** bettertoburn@gmail.com

**To:** blue0919@gmail.com

**Date:** Oct 2 at 9:57 PM

**Subject: **Punchability

_ Blue, you have so much to learn about the rules of punchability, starting with the fact that it is completely impossible for you to have a punchable face. Rule number one: guys who make metaphors about Ferris wheels are automatically unpunchable. Rule number two: There isn’t one. Just rule number one, so memorize it. Everyone else can catch these fists. (Catch these fists? These hands? This would probably be more intimidating if I knew the correct phrasing) _

_ Also, five jars of Nutella in one sitting is the worst idea I’ve ever heard in my life. Challenge accepted. _

_ I don’t think you’re ridiculous, Blue. I totally understand why you don't want to tell me about your extracurricular activities (I’m guessing interpretive dance, though, you seem like the type.) But seriously, I get it. It’s this weird contradiction, right? It’s so much easier to be open with someone who doesn't know you at all. We’ll be each other's Ultimate Therapists. _

_ (Except I don’t think I could ever be a therapist.) _

_ Anyway, I’m really glad you decided to email me back, too :) _

_ -Angel _

That smiley face was really unlike him. 

Nico sent the email, but after nearly an hour, he didn’t get on back, which meant Blue was probably asleep. Which was different from what Nico was used to; he tended to stay awake until the early hours of the morning most nights. But it wasn’t anything he minded. He had a conversation with Blue, and even if that was the last one they would ever have (which, he was hoping it wouldn’t be), it was good to know that there was somewhere out there like him.


	2. Never Fall in Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"I'm not fit to be, be your cherry tree_   
_I'm a fool, I'm a fool and I love it_   
_I just wanna be dangerous and free_   
_I'm a fool, I'm a fool don't you waste your time on me"_

Nico woke the next morning to his dog, Mrs. O’Leary, licking his face. (How she had gotten into his room, Nico didn’t know, but he blamed Hazel.) The Mastiff was nearly crushing him, being just about the same size as he was. He gave her a quick kiss and a pat on the head before pushing her off of him, rolling over with a groan. _ Curse the education system for making them get up at ungodly hours. _

He heard a notification go off on his phone, and immediately the events of the previous night flooded back into his brain. Nico reached for his phone, hoping for a reply from Blue from the night before. Maybe if he was an early sleeper than he was an early riser. Unfortunately for him, there was no such luck. The notification was just a text from Piper reminding him to print his essay for English. The inbox for his email remained empty, besides the previous emails from the night before. 

He clicked on one from Blue, rereading it. Then reading the following email from himself. Nico couldn’t help but smile; the excited tone was evident in his writing. Generally, he wasn’t the biggest fan of change, but this was one he could vouch for. These conversations were something he_ needed _.

Now he was just hoping that Blue would respond again. 

The pondering came to an end when Nico realized that if he didn’t start getting ready for school soon, he was going to be late. Quickly jumping out of bed, he threw on the first things he saw in his dresser (perks of an all black wardrobe), which turned out to be an old black and white checkered t-shirt along with black jeans and converse. He then shoved his laptop in his bag, grabbed his phone, and raced down the stairs.

“Nico, hey!” Hazel called from the kitchen. “I made pancakes!”

Hazel’s cooking was _ amazing _, not that Nico would ever admit it. That wasn’t to say that nobody else could cook in their family. Nico’s father had some recipes that he kept from Maria, Nico’s mom, for authentic Italian food. He then passed those down to Nico whose skills were admittedly still limited, but he was improving. Persephone, Nico’s stepmother, was more of a baker. 

But Hazel? She could do it all. She knew how to make the soul food her own mother used to cook before she died. Along with that, she was obsessed with Food Network and would try out cuisine from any culture. (She once made a lasagna better than Nico’s own family recipe. This opinion was never voiced out loud, but it was clear when everyone had thirds.) 

Unfortunately, if Nico didn’t get in the car in the next two minutes, there was no way his routine would play out as usual.

He leaned over the counter, grabbing a forkful bigger than he probably could fit in his mouth. He shoved it in anyway, though, nodding at the taste and shooting Hazel a thumbs up. Since he couldn’t talk through this giant mouthful of pancake, he settled for miming a steering wheel with his hands and then pointing in the direction of the school as if to ask _ do you need a ride? _

Luckily, Hazel got his little charade and shook her head no. “I’m getting a ride from Frank.”

Nico just raised an eyebrow at her. After a couple of swallows, he managed to say: “I better meet this _ Frank _ before you two get serious.”

“He’s in your grade, you probably already know him. Plus, we’ve talked, like, twice. We’re just friends.”

“For the time being,” Nico pointed out. 

That earned him a rare eye roll from his sister. “I swear, the moment you mention a girl, you are never going to hear the end of it from me.” 

He gave her a harmless glare, but inside, Nico could feel his stomach twist._ Right. _ Almost forgot the entire world thought he was straight after spending the night talking ( _ flirting? _) to a random person about how gay he was. 

He couldn’t waste anymore time worrying about that, though. Waving to Hazel and calling a goodbye to his dad and stepmom, Nico stepped outside and towards his car.

Before he could step inside it, something caught his eye. Or rather, _ someone. _

Apparently his neighbors had called someone to come mow their lawn, and the guy who was blowing off all the grass onto the road was _ hot _. He had light hair that was peeking out from under his hat, and dark eyes from was Nico could see. The best part, though, was this tight shorts this guy was wearing. He’s pretty sure he’s seen this guy working before, but maybe it was all the conversation last night that just put everything into a new light.

Nico fiddled with the keys in his hand. He was going to be late if he put this off any longer, but who knows? This could be the start of something.

“Hey!” he called out to him. Either the guy didn’t hear him or he just didn’t care, though, because he completely ignored Nico.

“Hey!” Nico tried again, and this time the guy turned around, a puzzled look already crossing his face. 

Not knowing what to say next, Nico panicked. “I like your boots!”

The guy squinted in confusion, holding his hand up to his ear and turning off his leaf blower. It was clear he didn’t hear Nico.

“I said I- I like your boots!” 

If he wasn’t confused before, the guy was definitely confused now. He just nodded before getting back to work,

Nico sighed, opening his door. _ What was he thinking anyway? _ He slumped into the seat, resting his head on the steering wheel, which accidentally caused the horn to beep, and him to jump. _ Great, now the guy must think he was honking at him. _

Nico sighed again. It was going to be a _ very _ long day.

* * *

Picking up his friends was a routine that was established the moment Nico got his license. He no doubt had the nicest car out of his friends and actually kept it clean. Plus, it was just easiest for them all.

Jason was first, followed by Reyna. They lived across the street from each other; they grew up together and had been friends all their lives. While they drove to their next stop (and Nico’s personal favorite), Jason would usually try to analyze his dream and how it was going to affect his day, usually losing both Reyna and Nico halfway through his retelling. 

They then stopped for a morning coffee at their local coffee shop. Nico preferred his hot with a shit ton of sugar, Reyna liked tea, and both Jason and Piper preferred iced lattes.

“Oh, can you get Piper’s with almond milk?” Jason said, tapping Nico on the shoulder from his spot in the back seat.

“How do you know so much about Piper’s coffee order?” 

“It’s not hard to remember that someone prefers almond milk to regular.” 

Nico just rolled his eyes before adding Piper’s request. Jason’s crush on Piper was so obvious, but he still refused to act on it. Something about not knowing her for long enough, since she had only moved to their town that summer. 

From there, they went to pick up Piper, who lived on the farther side of town, and then headed for school.

It was a miracle they were still on time considering Nico’s morning tangent. He was so distracted by trying to make the bell that he sort of forgot about Blue.

That was, until third period English when he went to search up a quick fact and noticed a new email notification. There was only one person who knew that email address.

He tried to ignore it, tried to pay attention to the lesson, but his phone felt like it was burning through his pants pocket. 

Blue had responded again.

He quickly snapped back to reality and raised his hand.

“Nico?” the teacher asked, and he quickly realized that she had just asked a question judging by the other hands lowering. “What do you think?”

“Can I go to the bathroom?” 

The teacher sighed, nodding her head in the direction of the door, and Nico rushed out. It felt like he was racing down the hall towards the bathroom, the weight of his phone still heavy in his pocket. 

It felt like time was slowing down as he locked himself in the last stall of this thankfully-empty bathroom, staring at the loading screen of the app. Finally, the email popped up. 

Nico took a deep breath and tapped it.

**From:** blue0919@gmail.com

**To:** bettertoburn@gmail.com

**Date:** Oct 3 at 10:20 AM

**Subject: **Re: Punchability

_ I’m so glad I qualify for an exception of punchability. But I’m confused, because I heard there was actually a second punctuality exception for cute guys who don’t know slang (I believe the phrase you are looking for is ‘catch these mittens’) and poor judgement. Re: Nutella, despite being warned. _

_ And how did you know about my interpretive dance skills? Though I don’t really think of it as an extracurricular activity. It’s more of a calling. _

_ I know exactly what you mean about it being easier to be open with someone who doesn’t know you. We exchanged, what? Like 5 emails? Already, you know things about me that I’ve never told anyone else. I guess it makes you think about what it really means to know someone _

_ I’m okay with being each other’s Ultimate Therapists, even if we both suck at it. _

_ -Blue _

He let out a shaky breath he didn’t realize he was holding before laughing quietly to himself. Of _ course _Blue would respond, and he did it in typical Blue-humor fashion. It was clear last night that emailing Nico was as therapeutic as it was for Nico emailing him. 

Thousands of heat-filled butterflies entered his stomach as he read it over. _ Was Blue _ flirting _ with him? _He hardly remembered the conversations last night, but it was clear now that this had gone a little farther than plain old friendly teasing.

He quickly typed a response, already anticipating Blue’s next reply.

**From:** bettertoburn@gmail.com

**To:** blue0919@gmail.com

**Date:** Oct 3 at 10:50 AM

**Subject: **Catch These Mittens

_ What about me makes you think I have poor judgement? 5 jars of Nutella sounds like a fantastic idea, if you ask me. If anything, I’m not the one with poor judgement; that’s all on YOU, Blue. You’re the one who ate the Nutella, if I remember correctly. _

_ I relate to everything you’re saying, though. I already feel like I can tell you things I haven’t told any of my close friends. I do think a big part of it is the anonymity. It’s not just that, though. It’s weird but I feel like you get me in some way. Which is probably why I responded to your post in the first place. Or maybe it’s just something that comes from nobody knowing you’re gay. _

_ It’s like, I’m not lonely. I have great friends, a better-than-average family. But I still feel lonely more often than not. At least I’ve felt a little less lonely in the past day, thanks to you. _

_ -Angel _

It was weird, he’s more honest with Blue than he is with himself. Like some sort of alternate-persona situation. All of the jokes and the extra personality he kept inside himself out of fear was just let loose when he talked to Blue.

Nico tapped send without thinking and almost immediately regretted it. _ What if Blue was in his English class and saw him rush out? _ If he had email notifications on, it would be obvious that Nico was on the other side. 

Nonetheless, Nico felt his heartbeat speed up with slight excitement and nerves. If Blue found out it was him sending him emails, there was a chance that his undecided maybe-love story could speed up a bit, or at least cure his curiosity about who this other gay kid was. On the other hand, it could also scare Blue away, and Nico _ really _ needed him right now. 

Nico switched off his phone and pocketed it. He was out too long already, and he needed to get back to class. He could worry about Blue there.

* * *

Lunch came, and Nico found himself observing the room more carefully. All the juniors had the same lunch period, which meant any guy in that room could be Blue. He was praying it wasn’t like one of those dramatic teen show situations where the homophobic asshole turned out to be the gay one. 

Turning to his own lunch table, he realized that any of his own _ friends _ could be Blue. They were all theatre kids, which meant it was more than likely at least half of them were queer anyway.

Percy Jackson was sitting directly from his left. He was their stage manager as he loved to lead the team and also couldn’t carry a tune to save his life. The looks made up for it though, with the gorgeous sea green eyes and unkempt black hair. He was a lot taller than Nico (though most people were) and while previously assumed straight, he also doubled as a soccer player along with some of the other guys at their table, including Jason. The way he treated, teased, and tackled Jason, there was no way he wasn’t at least bisexual.

On his other side was Jason, and while Nico admitted he was attractive, his heart eyes for Piper were clear.

Next to Jason were Travis and Connor Stoll, some of the other soccer players. Travis was also part of backstage, but Nico ruled him out as he was dating Katie Gardner. And while Connor was in the show and hypothesized as gay due to some apparent flirting between him and Mitchell that Piper overheard, Nico doubted it was him.

Across from him was Will Solace, who he was only recently introduced to. He wasn’t a part of their theatre program, but he was friends with Lou Ellen and Cecil, both of which were in theatre and who had invited him to the table. Nico hadn’t had many conversations with him, but he had an adorable head of golden curls and blue eyes that reminded Nico of an eclipse. He had thousands of freckles splattered across tan skin. So, a contestant along with the other hundred of guys in his grade.

“Nico?” Will asked, waving in front of his face. Nico snapped out of his thoughts. 

“Yeah?”

Will gave him a huge grin, clearly about to ask for something. “Can I have a fry?” he asked, pointing to Nico’s tray.

“Oh, yeah, sure.” He was still halfway in daydream mode, and the words didn’t really register in his brain. 

Jason looked curiously. “Is this the day Nico di Angelo finally finds his soul and is kind to another person?” he teased, still managing to find his fatherly humor within him even when surprised. “Guess not,” he continued when Nico flipped him off, and everyone laughed. 

They went back to their conversation after that. (Jason was proposing that they all shaved their legs for the next soccer game which would supposedly make them run faster, an idea that was immediately turned down by all the other members.) There’s laughing and teasing; it’s the good-natured humor of his lunch table that begged for him to come out right at that moment. He _ knew _ his friends would accept him; he knew he was in a safe environment. And yet, did he know that? 

He thought back to what Blue said, about wanting to come out but also being insanely relieved that nobody knew yet. He’s safer when nobody knows. So, he didn’t say a word.

The memory of Blue reminded him that he sent an email earlier in the day, and there’s a chance that Blue may have sent one back during lunch.

Nico pulled out his phone, quickly trying to refresh his email app. Unfortunately, with the amount of kids on their phones in that room, the internet was essentially nonexistent. The screen just kept on loading.

“Why is there no service in this school?” he mumbled to no one in particular as he jumped up from the table. Curious and confused looks from the other members at the table were exchanged, but nobody rushed to follow. 

Nico didn’t bother rushing at this point without the promise of an email waiting for him. However, risking pulling out his phone in the hallway turned out to be a mistake, as he bumped right into the vice principal’s wheelchair.

“Nico,” Mr. Brunner addressed him. He was actually pretty nice most of the time, always going out of his way to see what was up with his students. It was almost like he doubled as a guidance counselor. (Mr. Brunner was better at emotional support than their actual guidance counselor, that was for sure.) He was still sort of stuck in the past, though, and while he never gave out detentions for phone use, he did confiscate them.

“Hey, Mr. Brunner. How are you?” Nico winced slightly at his feeble attempts to get out of punishment. 

Mr. Brunner didn’t even answer his question. Instead, he just held out his hand. “You know the rules, Mr. di Angelo.” 

Nico sighed. If the administrator weren’t so nice and if he was out, he would call this homophobia. Instead, he just bit the bullet and placed his phone in Mr. Brunner’s awaiting palm. “When do I get it back?”

“End of the day, after play rehearsal.” That was another thing, he had somehow memorized everyone’s extracurriculars. “You can come retrieve it in my office.”

Nico nodded. “Got it.” Going the day without knowing if Blue hadn’t responded wasn’t going to be easy, but he didn’t really have a choice. 

* * *

As it turns out, Nico had some sort of heavy reliance on Blue in the past day. Even if they hadn’t known each other for long, and their conversations were short, they still meant a lot. They were a safe space, and the knowledge that he was now derived of that safe space, even for a few hours, made him uncomfortable.

Even in the theater, which was usually Nico’s comfort zone. They spent countless hours a week here. Just about everybody in the cast were friends, all having shared laughs or tears depending on how the rehearsal was going and what kind of mood their director, Mr. D, was in. Even Octavian, who was a slimy, stuck up kid whose body boiled with drama even outside of the auditorium, seemed human during a long rehearsal.

Without his phone, he also had no way to check the time, which meant he was relying on (i.e., _ bothering the crap out of _) all of his friends.

The show itself was going as well as a public high school musical with limited theatre program funding could go. 

“That was—” Mr. D started, rubbing his forehead from his spot in the audience. He tapped his pen on his clipboard, still not finishing his sentence. “Peter, help me out here?” 

“That was a start?” Percy (Mr. D had a habit of getting his name wrong, even after three years in the program. Probably out of disrespect; they had a weird unspoken feud) supplied. The phrasing was nice, but the message was clear. The show was a complete trainwreck, and they only had until after the holidays to put it together. It was already October.

Mr. D pointed his pen at him. “Yes, that was a start.” He got up from his chair and advanced towards the stage, which meant he was about to change the entire set up. 

“Piper,” he hissed between as Mr. D gave new directions to Jason. “What time is it?”

Piper just glared at him from her spot on the half-finished staircase. “Ten minutes since you last asked me!” 

“And di Angelo! I need your jazz hands to be more dramatic! You just look like you’re trembling! This is a cabaret, not a breakdown in the bathroom!” He heard a snicker behind him, and turned to wear Percy and Cecil were mocking his shaky jazz hands offstage. If it weren’t for Mr. D standing near, he would have cursed them out.

Instead, Nico just sighed. Usually this was one of his favorite parts of the day, but they were barely halfway through rehearsal, and he already wanted out. 

By the time the rehearsal was over, Nico had already packed up all his things and was bolting out of the auditorium. 

He skidded to a stop from his near-sprint right outside of Mr. Brunner’s office, taking a moment to collect his breath and play it off as he strolled into the room. (The last thing he needed to do was look attached to his phone, otherwise Mr. Brunner might decide to keep it a little longer.)

“Nico! How was the unplugged afternoon?” Mr. Brunner smiled from his desk. 

“Great,” Nico said, forcing a smile and giving a thumbs up. _ Whatever he had to do to make this conversation go faster. _

Mr. Brunner reached into a drawer in his desk to grab Nico’s phone before wheeling around to where he was standing. “You should try it more often, maybe you’ll finally relax a bit.” Nico just laughed and nodded, not really sure how to respond to that. So, Mr. Brunner continued. “I know I’m hard on you, but I’m just looking out for you.” He regarded Nico now with slight concern in his eyes. “You’ve seemed kinda stressed recently, anything you want to talk about?”

Nico just forced another smile. “Nope! I’m good. Just, uh, a lot of homework to do, which means I should probably head home.”

Mr. Brunner nodded, handing Nico’s phone back to him. “Go, do your thing. Just remember, my door is always open.”

The words didn’t register, though, because Nico could see now that he got a notification from Blue. “Right, thanks!” he called, already rushing out of the room and outside.

Nico waited until he was in his car to open up the email. 

**From:** blue0919@gmail.com

**To:** bettertoburn@gmail.com

**Date:** Oct 3 at 2:46 PM

**Subject: **Re: Catch These Mittens

_ I’ve felt less lonely in the past day too. It’s nice to finally have somebody who just gets it. It’s funny, my mom even commented that I’ve been in a good mood lately. I told her it was because Taylor Swift had a new song, but I’m not sure she believed me. I think she knows I’m hiding something. _

_ Anyway, I have a question for you: how did you know you were gay? And I know you said you haven’t come out to anyone yet, but do you think anyone suspects? _

_ -Blue _

A car honked behind him, snapping him out of his daydream as he quickly backed out of the parking lot. Nico nearly sped home from there, eager to respond. He barely acknowledged his stepmom or Hazel before grabbing a granola bar and racing up the steps to his room, Mrs. O’Leary right by his heels. 

Nico flopped back on his bed, pulling out his laptop from his backpack and typing out a response.

**From:** bettertoburn@gmail.com

**To:** blue0919@gmail.com

**Date:** Oct 3 at 5:14 PM

**Subject: **Re: Catch These Mittens

_ I keep thinking about this whole coming out thing. I have a pretty open group of friends and a good family, I don’t think they would really be that torn apart over it. Still, though, I’m scared. _

_ You know Mitchell, right? He’s been out for years now and as far as I know nobody has given him too much crap for it. Probably because everybody basically knew (which I feel is a really crappy thing to say, but it’s not like he was that subtle.) _

_ I don’t know where I’m going with this. I guess I just feel like with me it’s hard to tell. I think my dad suspects something because I never talk about girls, but my friends like to joke that I don’t like talking about anyone, even if it’s strictly platonic. But besides that, nobody really talks about it. I mean, ‘who do you think is gay’ isn’t really a hot topic at my lunch table. Or a topic at all. (Though part of me wishes it was, or just wishes I was out, because I’ve had so many good joke opportunities.) _

_ Anyway, as for how I knew I was gay, it was a bunch of little things. My older sister tried to get me into Harry Potter with her (instead I just got obsessed with a card game called Mythomagic.) But everytime she would turn on one of the movies, I would always watch with her. Afterwards I kept having this recurring dream of Daniel Radcliff. I also got really into Panic! at the Disco, and it took me a while to realize it wasn’t really about the music. (Brendan Urie is a god, don’t deny it.) And, of course, the pitiful crushes on half of my friend group. _

_ I’ve never had a girlfriend, and I’m honestly not even sure if a girl has ever even liked me. I just never bothered paying attention to that sort of thing the moment I realized I didn’t have to. _

_ What about you, how did you know? _

_ -Angel _

_ P.S: because I know you’re wondering, I’m a Gryffindor. (Or at least I am according to my sister.) Hope that doesn’t affect this friendship, because I really like emailing you. _

He hit send, then immediately fell backwards with a groan. S_ ince when did he become so mushy? _ If anyone ever saw these emails, he would probably implode. Even the idea of someone reading them made his stomach twist, although that’s probably more about the being-gay-and-in-the-closet thing more than it was about the being-mushy thing. 

He stayed in that spot for a few moments, hoping that he’d hear the notification sound of a reply from his laptop, but ten minutes passed with no such luck. So, he sat up, closed the tab, and started to work on his calculus homework instead while he waited. After a while he forgot about Blue. 

It’s only when he stepped out of the shower later that night and his phone lit up with a missed notification that he realize he got a response.

**From:** blue0919@gmail.com

**To:** bettertoburn@gmail.com

**Date:** Oct 3 at 6:29 PM

**Subject: **Re: Catch These Mittens

_ I know what you mean about the nobody-really-thinking you're gay thing. I mean, I don’t think it’s usually at the top of someone’s mind unless they like you, but you seem to not have much experience with that. Which isn’t a bad thing. Plus, I like you. _

_ And actually, I had my own share of a Brendan Urie crush (who didn’t.) That was actually one of the first things I noticed about your email which, I could be completely wrong here, I believe that’s a P!ATD reference. I hope you don’t expect me to know any other of those alternative-edgy type bands. I’m more of a musical theatre person, which means I have about the same music taste as my Aunt Artemis. _

_ Another one was Game of Thrones. I’m not a huge follower of the show, but every time I watched clips or walked in while my mom was watching it, I was always crushing hard on John Snow. _

_ I’ve never officially had a girlfriend. I had a girl ask me to a seventh grade dance before, but I just really wanted to Cupid Shuffle on my own so I turned her down. She’s actually still one of my close friends to this day, funnily enough, and still showed up at the dance and kicked my butt at Cotton Eyed Joe. So, that turned out to be a better experience. _

_ -Blue _

_ P.S: I think you should actually take the quiz, because you seem more like a Hufflepuff to me. Or maybe I’m just self-projecting my own house onto you (I’m as Hufflepuff as you can get.) But no, even though you claim to be in the fraternity of Hogwarts Houses, I still like emailing you too. _

Nico smiled, and unfamiliar heat pooling in his stomach as he reread that last line over and over again.


	3. Strawberries & Cigarettes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"Blue eyes, black jeans_   
_Lighters and candy, I've been a fool_   
_Strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you"_

Over the course of the next few weeks, Nico and Blue exchanged numerous emails. Whether he was at school, at home, or anywhere in between, Nico did his best to reply as soon as possible. It even ended in his phone being confiscated a few times in a couple different classes. Nico couldn’t help it, though; every time a new email popped into his inbox there was an unfamiliar fluttering in his heart and itching in his hands to reply just to hear what Blue had to say. 

One morning Nico had forgotten to set his alarm, and in his rush to school had no time to read the most recent email from Blue, much less respond to it. He snuck out of lunch and headed for the library and their computers that afternoon. It was a risky task, considering their computers were _ right there _in the open and anybody, including Blue himself, could walk behind him, but it was a risk Nico was willing to take. The service at their school was beyond shitty; Nico really wasn’t in the mood for waiting half an hour just for the email to load. And something about their most recent conversation had Nico’s heart racing. 

He had suggested a John Snow costume for himself before casually asking Blue what he planned on dressing up as. He knew for a fact that the Stoll brothers were once again hosting their famous Halloween party that nearly the entire school showed up to. As long as it wasn’t something stereotypical like a pirate or a ghost, there was a chance Nico might be able to at least scope out who Blue may be. It was no secret that Nico’s curiosity was growing on who was behind all the emails, but Blue was a private person and refused to give out too many details. 

Nico logged in quickly to his gmail and opened the unread notification in his inbox.

**From:** blue0919@gmail.com

**To:** bettertoburn@gmail.com

**Date:** Oct 28 at 6:07 AM

**Subject: **Re: Halloween Costumes

_ I’m sure you would look great in a John Snow costume. Not just anyone can pull off that hair, but something tells me that you can. Anyone would be lucky to have you as a trick or treater. _

_ I’m not dressing up for Halloween though. My mom has this tradition of going to the Halloween open mic night at some bar, which leaves me stuck at home handing out candy. (Don’t worry, I still have pumpkin sweater to wear for the occasion. It’s the ugliest thing you’ll probably ever see.) _

_ For me, Halloween is all about the Oreos with the orange frosting in the middle. I’m not usually one to indulge in a lot of sweets, but chocolate is my downfall. And those Halloween edition Oreos are a personal favorite of mine. _

_ -Blue _

While Nico was disappointed to not get any more of a lead on who Blue was, he still felt himself smiling at the Oreo obsession. 

He typed out a response as quickly as he could, hoping to still be able to make it back to lunch so he could eat before the period was over.

**From:** bettertoburn@gmail.com

**To:** blue0919@gmail.com

**Date:** Oct 28 at 12:37 PM

**Subject: **Re: Halloween Costumes

_ It’s unfortunate that you’re not dressing up, I feel like you would be someone to come up with a witty costume but it’s actually GOOD. (i.e. not the ‘holy cow’ costume I did with my friend a few years back with involved cow onesies and angel wings and halos. Never again.) At least you aren't crushing that childhood trick or treater spirit with that pumpkin sweater, which I hope one day I get to see. _

_ And you’re not wrong about the Oreos. I hope whichever party I’m being dragged along to this weekend has them because they are freaking delicious. _

_ -Angel _

He attached a gif of cartoon pumpkins floating down onto an Oreo cookie that was already covered in orange frosting. Just as Nico hit send, Mr. Brunner wheeled up to him.

“Hey, Nico!” Mr. Brunner said. “How are you? You’re smiling pretty big, so there must be something good going on!”

“Oh, um,” Nico cleared his throat as he quickly put the computer to sleep. “Nothing crazy. Just checking grades. I got an A on my English paper.” He actually got a B+, but he needed a coverup quick before Mr. Brunner asked any more questions. 

Thankfully, it worked. “Oh, great job!” Mr. Brunner said, placing his hand on Nico’s shoulder. “I’m glad to see you’ve been pretty happy these past few weeks.”

Nico forced a laugh. “Uh, yep. Just having a good month.”

“Good, good.” 

There was a few seconds of silence before Nico spoke again. “Anyway, uh, I need to get back to lunch. Have a good day, sir.” He turned quickly, barely catching Mr. Brunner raising an eyebrow at the formal tone. He nearly ran straight into Octavian as he rushed out the library, who just gave him a dirty look, which Nico ignored.

“Where have you been?” Reyna asked once he reaches the courtyard. The weather was nice today, not too cold, unlike the past days that month, so the school allowed students to eat outside if they chose. 

Nico dropped down in the seat next to her. “Library. Just checking grades.”

Reyna nodded, clearly not completely believing him. “Here are your burnt tots because you have horrible taste,” she said, thankfully dropping the subject and also said tater tots onto Nico’s tray.

Nico nodded in thanks, before picking the not-quite-ripe banana off his tray. “And here is your green banana because you like disgusting things,” he shot back as he handed it to her. Reyna only hummed in agreement.

Piper looked between the two of them, brow furrowed.. “You guys are weird.”

“You get used to it after a while,” Jason sighed next to them.

They continued to chatter as Will, Cecil, Lou Ellen, and the Stoll brothers slid onto the other two empty benches around their table. Nico ripped open a pack of Oreos that he had brought, which earned him a small lecture from Piper about eating dessert before he had lunch.

“Am I right, Will?” she asked the boy across the table once she’s finished.

Will just shrugged and nodded. “Sure.”

“_ Thank _you.”

As Piper went back to her conversation with Jason and Reyna about halloween costumes, Will nudged his hand. Surprised, Nico looked up at him.

“Oreos,” Will smiled. “I love those. Halloween ones are the best.”

Nico laughed shakily, but it felt like his heart had just leapt to his throat. “Yeah, though good luck trying to get any of mine this time. I don’t give up that easy,” he managed.

“You’re in luck then,” Will said with a grin as he reached into his back pocket “—because I brought my own.” He displayed a package nearly identical to the one Nico was holding, but with orange filling rather than the classic white cream ones in Nico’s hand.

He laughed with Will, but his mind was racing. 

_ Did he just find Blue? _

Was is possible that he would find Blue so early on? They had only been talking for about a month, there was no way Blue would drop it easily.

And yet, part of him could hear Will’s voice echoed in some of the emails he’s received. He can imagine Will laughing at his awkward childhood stories, or blushing as he types out one of his own. They’re goofy, fun messages while still being reserved. It would fit for Will.

“Nico? Nico—” Piper waves her hand in his face, zapping him from his trance and tearing his gaze away from Will who, thankfully, was too wrapped up in a conversation with Cecil to notice him staring. “Hello? Anybody home? What’s gotten into you?” 

“Nothing, sorry. Just tired. Uh, what’s going on?” He blinked a few times, focusing back on Piper. Her brow was furrowed, but she didn’t say anything.

“Just planning the Halloween party,” Travis said from across the table, high-fiving his brother. “Our mom’s out of town for the week again, so we’re going full swing. Everybody’s invited!”

Nico just smiled at the enthusiasm. The Halloween party had been tradition since their freshman year, and it was only getting bigger as they got older. Being surrounded by a bunch of drunk kids wasn’t usually Nico’s choice of event, but this was the only party he ever really attended, so he could stand it. Once a year, at least.

“You are going, right?” Will asked. “Because I couldn’t do karaoke alone.” Nico was surprised that Will was asking him. _ Maybe deep down he knew something too. _

“Yeah,” Nico smiled. “Yeah, I’m going.”

* * *

Nico found himself watching Will in their environmental science class. It’s last period, the only class they had together. Will sat about two rows over from him, and further in the back while Will sits up close to the teachers desk. 

Blue’s most recent email, which he received shortly at his lunch, plays in his head. But this time, he hears it all in Will’s voice. 

**From:** blue0919@gmail.com

**To:** bettertoburn@gmail.com

**Date:** Oct 28 at 1:21 PM

**Subject: **Re: Halloween Costumes

_ I’m glad to see we are in agreement about the Oreos, that would have been a dealbreaker for me. _

_ On a totally different, non-cookie related note: is it weird that I have no idea what you look like but I can’t stop thinking about kissing you? _

_ -Blue _

Nico sucked in a breath, hearing those words over and over again, the test in front of him forgotten. Instead, he watched as Will’s curls bounce when he leaned forward, and Nico could just barely see a glimpse of his pink tongue dart from between his lips for just a second as he concentrated. He watched freckled, tan skin that lead from his neck and under his shirt, down his arms all the way to his palms. They danced like stars as Will scribbled in another answer.

“Nico,” the teacher called, and Nico quickly looked over to him. “Eyes on your own paper.” 

He’s about to look away when Will turned around and time seemed to stop for a moment. Will flashed a soft smile and shook his head at him. Nico smiled and rolled his eyes back, but inside, it felt like he might explode.


	4. Sink In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"That I'm weighed down by your beautiful_   
_Collapsing underneath your perfect_   
_Drowning in your wonderful_   
_And I'm letting you sink in_   
_It's, it's almost unbearable_   
_suffering inside your magic_   
_Love you something terrible_   
_And I'm letting you sink in"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: slight homphobia mention

Nico’s painting sets at tech crew the next day when something out of the ordinary happened.

“Do you think I should dye my hair grey for the show?” Drew asked them as she added another stroke of white. They’re painting a dark brick wall, and somehow he, Piper, Drew, and Octavian all got grouped together. Considering that Piper hated Drew and Nico’s pretty sure Octavian hates everyone in the show, the pairing was a little strange. He honestly wasn’t sure how he even got there.

“Sure,” Piper responded with the least amount of enthusiasm she could muster. 

Drew went on about how her hair is sort of her thing _ though and bleaching it could really ruin it _as Nico zoned out. He felt a vibration in his pocket though, and quickly whipped out his phone to see a new email from Blue.

_ Nice one, Blue. Perfect timing. _

“I’m gonna go grab a soda, I’ll be right back,” he said, slipping his phone into his back pocket. 

To his surprise, though, Octavian put down his paintbrush as well. “I’ll come with you.”

Both Piper and Drew looked surprised, most likely mirroring Nico’s own expression.

“Uh, okay,” Nico said as he started to walk out, Octavian a few steps behind him.

It’s when they reach the hallway that Octavian finally caught up to him. Nico’s already pulled out his phone, planning a response and completely ignoring Octavian’s presence next to him. That’s when he started talking. 

“Here’s the thing,” Octavian started, not meeting Nico’s eyes. They kept walking as he talked. “I used the computer right after you in the library, and you’re Gmail was open. Just for anyone to see. And I read a couple of them, and if it interests you, my cousin is gay.”

Nico stopped in his tracks, already feeling his heart drop. He turned around to face Octavian. Even with the few inches the lanky blonde had on him, he saw the other boy shrink slightly under his glare.

“No, Octavian, that wouldn’t interest me,” he deadpanned.

“Okay. I mean, I’m not planning on showing anyone.” 

Nico felt his heart drop to his feet. All the blood left his face as he stared Octavian right in the eye. “Show anyone _ what _?”

Octavian just blinked, shrugging his shoulders.

“Did you print my emails?” Nico practically growled, his voice quiet.

“Oh, no,” Octavian said, and Nico can see the power practically rising in him like he could smell the fear off of Nico. “No, I screenshotted them, actually.”

Nico breathed deeply. His brain was going haywire, but he had to do_ something _ about the situation. If not for him, then for Blue. “You screenshotted my emails?”

Octavian nodded.

“Okay, let me talk to you for a second here.” Nico nearly seethed as he grabbed Octavian’s wrist, dragging him through the hallway and into the library. He swung him around to one of the corners in the back where nobody could hear them within a ten foot radius. If anyone came near, Nico would be able to see them.

Octavian practically ripped his wrist out of Nico’s grip, now glaring daggers at him. “Good section,” he mumbled, reading the label above them. _ Blood & Gore. _Nico’s not sure if he’s serious, nor did he want to know. There’s something else on his mind right now anyway. 

“Why the hell did you screenshot my emails?”

Octavian fidgeted, still making minimal eye contact. It was unusual for him to let his guard down like this, but one wrong move and Nico’s secret could be exploited to the entire school. So, he kept his mouth shut and waited for an answer. 

“Well, I know you and Piper McLean are good friends, right?”

Nico narrowed his eyes. “What does that have to do with anything.” 

“I need you to help me talk to her.”

“What, like put in a good word?” He nearly laughed until he noticed Octavian finally making eye contact with him, and he looked dead serious. “Why the hell would I do that?”

Octavian lifted an eyebrow, and suddenly it clicked in him. This, in exchange for not broadcasting his emails with Blue.

It honestly made no sense to Nico. He’d hardly ever seen Octavian care about someone besides himself. Though now he sort of understood why Octavian always looked angry whenever Piper and Jason interacted. Nico sort of assumed that was just how he usually was around regular human interaction. Octavian actually showing an emotion besides disgust was a common joke among his friends.

Except Nico’s not laughing now.

“You’re actually going to make me do this,” he stated._ Octavian, _ out of all people, was blackmailing him.

“I’m not_ making _you do anything. It’s just a mere suggestion.”

Nico scoffed._ Mere suggestion my ass. _ “And what exactly _ are _ you ‘suggesting’?”

“I mean, I like this girl. I was just thinking you would want to help me here. Invite me to stuff when she’ll be there. I don’t know,” he shrugged, as if he was playing the victim here. Nico wanted to throttle him.

“And what if I don’t?” Nico seethed. “You’ll put the emails of Facebook? Instagram? On the freaking Tumblr?” He could feel his heart beating hard in his chest at the idea of his emails being leaked on any of those platforms. The entire school would know within a day, not even. Eight hours maybe.

They’re both quiet for a moment until Octavian spoke. “I just think we’re in a position to help each other out.”

Nico felt himself swallow thickly. He could feel the emotion welling up in his chest, tears starting to prick at the back of his eyes. He pushed them all away. _ He won’t cry in front of Octavian. Not right now. _

“So, just think about it.” He went to pat Nico on the shoulder as he left, but Nico swatted away his hand. Octavian turned to glare for a second before rounding the bookshelf, and then he’s gone. 

Nico’s felts like he’s going to collapse when suddenly Octavian swung back around. “By the way, who is Blue?”

Nico glared at him. “Nobody, just go away,” he barked. If Octavian thought Nico’s selling out Blue, he’s crazy. (Even if Nico didn’t even know himself.)

Blue_ was _someone. He might even be someone Nico knew. But he didn’t, and he’s not even sure if he wanted to know anymore. 

When Nico walked back to the auditorium, Piper immediately rushed over.

“Are you okay? Octavian had this smug look on his face when he came back in.”

“I’m fine,” he told her. “He’s just being his regular old asshole self. Wanted to give me some acting tips.”

Piper rolled her eyes. “Of course. You’re definitely a better actor than he is,” she informed him. “Come find me if he ever threatens you, because I won’t hesitate to fight him.”

Nico managed a laugh, but his stomach twisted inside. _ Oh, you have no idea. _

* * *

Nico drowned out the dinner conversation that night, his own inner thoughts swirling in his head. 

He still didn’t really understand why Octavian was into Piper. To be fair, most of the other obnoxious straight boys at his school were, including Jason. What Octavian was actually asking for shouldn’t be as hard as it was. Realistically, all he has to do was let Octavian tag along to any sort of social event that Nico’s friends might be dragging him to.

Unfortunately, that’s easier said than done. 

“You hate the peppers, don’t you?” Hazel asked him from across the table, and Nico realized that the entire time he’s been glaring down at his plate. “I know you don’t really like bitter things, but I thought I might at least _ try _—”

“No,” Nico said. He spoke in a genuine tone, but didn’t even bother trying to force a smile. _ Not right now. _ “The peppers are good.”

Hazel frowned, furrowing her brow in concern. She clearly wanted to ask him what was going on; Nico could see her biting back the question. Before she could say anything, Nico remembered that he never read his email from Blue from before.

“I’m just going to get some air,” he said, excusing himself from the table. The concern in Hazel’s face only deepened, but right now, Nico needed to distract himself from the chaos going on in his mind. 

And sure, Blue was the source of that chaos, but he usually was able to clear Nico’s head. Or, at least distract him.

Nico stepped out onto their porch, making sure he wasn’t in his family’s view as he opened up the notification on his phone. 

**From:** blue0919@gmail.com

**To:** bettertoburn@gmail.com

**Date:** Oct 29 at 5:09 PM

**Subject:** Re: Halloween Costumes

_ I need to get something off my chest. The other day you asked me what I was wearing for Halloween and I said I wasn’t dressing up. Truth is, I didn’t want to tell you what I was wearing because I didn’t want you to know who I am. _

_ Right now, these emails feel like these totally safe place. I’m just not ready for my whole world to change. I hope you understand, because I would really like for these emails to continue. _

_ -Blue _

Nico felt his heart sink, not because Blue didn’t want to reveal himself, but because if he knew what had happened…well, he wasn’t so sure Blue would still consider this a safe space. 

(Silently, he cursed himself for still hearing the email in Will’s voice. He couldn’t get his hopes up; it’s clear Blue didn’t want Nico knowing who he is.)

Blue could never find out that Octavian knew. It would crush him. Part of Nico knew he could end it all here.

Did he want it all to end here, though?

_ No _. Nico knew in his heart that he didn’t care if they never found out each other’s identities, because this was his safe space too. It was him and Blue against the world.

Nico glanced back at his house, through one of the windows. His father, Persephone, and Hazel had found their way back to a conversation. He could nearly hear Hazel’s laugh as he watched her throw her head back at whatever Persephone had said. Even a small smile found its way onto his father’s face. 

Turning his attention back to the message in front of him, he tapped out a short reply. 

**From:** bettertoburn@gmail.com

**To:** blue0919@gmail.com

**Date:** Oct 29 at 6:24 PM

**Subject:** Re: Halloween Costumes

_ Yes, Blue. I understand. _  


* * *

Nico wouldn’t lie; he’s been avoiding Octavian. He saw him in the hallway or the auditorium, always trying to make eye contact, but talking to him was really the last thing Nico wanted to do right now.

The fact that Nico’s being blackmailed hadn’t really sunk in yet. The fact that Blue didn’t know either just made everything worse. It’s not like he could talk to anyone about it, either. This was something he had to hand himself (which was the whole concept of blackmail, he supposed.) He hated that he already knew that he’s going to help Octavian, but it’s not like Nico had much of a choice.

Unfortunately for him, despite his best efforts, Octavian found a way to approach him in the cafeteria. Or, more specifically, the lunch line.

“Got room for one more at your table?”

Nico looked down at his tray. “Not really.” 

It’s not a lie. They were already squeezing two people onto the benches and two extra chairs at the end of what's supposed to be an eight person table. 

There’s a good dynamic to the table: Piper, Annabeth, Percy, and Reyna always on one end, who always found a good conversation topic for the day that Nico could usually easily slide into. Jason, Travis, and Connor usually ended up talking about soccer and the team. And then there's Will, Lou Ellen, Cecil, and Calypso, who had a lot of energy. It’s a good balance for everyone.

It’s sort of obvious everytime someone attempted to get up that there’s no room for another person. Plus, you couldn’t really switch around lunch table in October.

It doesn’t stop the awkward silence that came between them, though.

“We’ve got 12 people already.”

“Didn’t realize the seats were assigned,” Octavian remarked, narrowing his eyes. When Nico didn’t reply, he continued.“I just figured we were on the same page about the Piper thing, but…” 

There weren’t any real rules laid out about the whole blackmail situation, but it’s clear what Octavian’s idea was: he asked for whatever he wants, and because he had power over Nico, Nico had to do it. 

Which was just great.

It’s just so freaking awesome.

Nico dropped his voice. “Look, I want to help you,” he whispered, even when his head is screaming _ ‘No! You don’t want to help him!’ _It’s not like he really had a choice here. 

“Whatever you say, di Angelo.”

Nico nearly groaned. “Listen, I’ll come over today and we’ll talk. And I’ll talk to Piper. You just gotta let me handle it.”

Octavian just shrugged. “Whatever you say.”

Nico could feel him giving him the stink eye all the way back to his seat. It took all his strength not to start complaining about what an asshole Octavian was because now he had to put up a good act for Piper.

“What was that all about?” Piper asked him as Nico squeezed into his spot. “You look pissed. I’ll keep my promise about beating him up if he threatens you.”

(Nico swore he heard Will mutter “please do,” after she said that, but he didn’t mention it.)

“Octavian? It’s nothing. He’s chill,” Nico shrugged, shoving his fork into his pasta. Piper looked at him like he grew a second head, while Will gave him an icy look, which hurt a little bit considering Nico was 80% sure he’s Blue. (Not that it mattered anymore, not after last night.)

Piper looked like she wanted to say more, but Nico smoothly switched the conversation to the previous night’s episode of _ Grey’s Anatomy _, which distracted her.

Will’s gaze didn’t leave him for all of lunch. 

* * *

Octavian’s house had a weird vibe to it, much like the rest of Octavian. His room was just downright creepy; mostly neat except for the stuffed animals that had seemingly been stabbed or had the stuffing ripped out were scattered about. Nico chose not to ask, but he was _ really _ hoping Octavian had a dog.

Honestly, Nico wasn’t quite sure how he even got here. He probably should have thought a bit more before essentially inviting himself over to Octavian’s house. 

He sighed, deciding to cut straight to the chase. _ Have to get this over with somehow. _“If you want to get Piper to like you, we have to make her see you as more of a, uh...”

“Of a sexy version of me,” Octavian finished for him. Nico nodded, although that was not where he was going with it and internally he still wanted to throw up. 

Unfortunately for him, Octavian wasn’t finished. In fact, it just got worse.

“You like dudes,” he started, pulling off his jacket and throwing it towards Nico, making his skin crawl. “Tell me, what part about me do you find the hottest?”

_ What the hell was Nico _ doing _ with his life? _ “No. No, we are not doing this,” he said, turning his back to Octavian.

“Come on. If you said my shoulders, I would dress to accentuate.” 

“I’m not answering that,” he replied, before turning back around. “Actually, here’s your first tip: stop acting like such a jerk around everyone. Maybe if you showed that you actually cared about anyone besides yourself, Piper would notice you.”

Octavian narrowed his eyes. “No need to be rude. Remember why we’re here?”

“That’s _ exactly _ what I’m talking about. If you talk shit about everything Piper likes, including her _ friends _,” Nico gestured to himself. “Then she’s never going to like you.”

“I’m not here to have you change me, di Angelo,” Octavian said. “I asked you to help me _ hang out _with her. Just invite me to one of your guy’s Waffle House trips or something.”

Nico wanted to throw up his arm and scream _ ‘It’s not like she’s going to like you how you are!’ _

Instead, he sighed, immediately regretting the idea that sparked his brain._ It’s not like he had much of a choice though. _“Do you want to come to the Halloween party at the Stolls house with us tomorrow?” he asked, placing a hand on his hip. “Me, Reyna, Jason, and Piper are having a small pre-party at Jason’s house beforehand. Just show up at nine and we’ll give you a ride over.” 

Technically the pre-party was set for eight, but there was no way he was actually letting Octavian crash _ that _ tradition. There was no way either of his three friends would be cool with him being there. 

_ Just because he was ruining his life didn’t mean he had to ruin his friendships too. _

“Yes, thank you, di Angelo. That’s_ all _you needed to do. So simple.” Octavian shook his head. ”Here, let me give you my number and you can text me the address.”

Every fiber of his being was screaming at him not to do it, but that reminder that he had no power in this situation was glued to the back of his brain. Any wrong move, and Octavian could ruin everything he’s worked for. Hesitantly, Nico handed over his phone.

Octavian typed his number in and added himself as a new contact before handing back over Nico’s phone. “You can go now.”

Nico fought the urge to roll his eyes as he grabbed his backpack. He walked out without a goodbye. As he walked out the front door, he swiftly changed Octavian’s contact name to _ ‘Monkey Asshole _.’

The moment Nico sat down in his car, he got a new email notification from Blue. 

**From:** blue0919@gmail.com

**To:** bettertoburn@gmail.com

**Date:** Oct 30 at 4:43 PM

**Subject: **Childhood Costumes

_ I know I said that I didn’t want to tell you what I was dressing up for Halloween this year, but that doesn’t stop me from asking about previous years. Of course, I don’t think anything could beat the ‘holy cow’ costume you suggested earlier, but something tells me you have a knack for creative Halloween costumes _

_ -Blue _

**From:** bettertoburn@gmail.com

**To:** blue0919@gmail.com

**Date:** Oct 30 at 4:43 PM

**Subject: **Re: Childhood Costumes

_ Unfortunately, Blue, I think my one costume gave you the wrong impression, because I was not one to dress up until I was about 14 years old. _

_ Growing up I was all the stereotypical things that your mom would dress you as, like a vampire or a clown or yes, even a pumpkin. (That sweater better not have been a lie.) _

_ Then, after she died, my dad wasn’t really one to partake in Halloween. My older sister did her best, but I was only ever given hand-me-downs of her Halloween costumes. One year she even tried to dress me up as a flapper girl, which worked until we got downstairs and my dad immediately vetoed it. He’s cool with most things, but I guess seeing his 10 year old son in a sequined dress was too much. _

_ I didn’t dress up again until freshman grade, aka the holy cow year, thanks to some new friends I made. Then the next year we did Winnie the Pooh (I was Eeyore, of course.) _

_ So there’s my tragic Halloween backstory. Hope it didn’t dampen your spirit too much. Plus, I think my costume is alright this year. It was a combined effort from my sister and one of my friends; I’m sure you would appreciate it. _

_ Now that you've heard my sob story, it’s time for me to hear yours. _

_ -Angel _

He felt the buzz in his pocket before he was even able to make it home. It was comforting to know at least that Blue was maybe waiting for his reply. 

Nico pulled up in his driveway and parked before pulling out his phone.

**From:** blue0919@gmail.com

**To:** bettertoburn@gmail.com

**Date:** Oct 30 at 5:58 PM

**Subject: **Re: Childhood Costumes

_ That is a tragic story. And I’m sure you would be less than thrilled to hear my history of costumes, considering I basically go as the same three things and just rotate every year. _

_ Although, that flapper costume story is adorable, I wish it could have been documented somewhere. (The fact that you were okay with it just makes me wonder if it was one of those Signs.) _

_ Anyway, I’m sure your costume is great this year, and I’m glad you found it in yourself to start dressing up again. Who known what the world would be like without the history of you in a ‘holy cow’ costume. _

_ I hope you have a good Halloween tomorrow. _

_ -Blue _

It was weird that no matter how much of a shitty day Nico was having, Blue could always make it better.


	5. Love Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"Don't be afraid to tell me if you ain't with it_   
_I see you're focused, yeah you're so independent_   
_It's hard for me to open up, I'll admit it_   
_You've got some shit to say and I'm here to listen"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: drinking

Nico walked through the gate to Jason’s back porch just as Reyna stepped out the back door. Both of them were fully in costume, so they took a second to admire the other’s choice.

“Nice horns,” Nico commented Reyna, who had gone full Maleficent in all-black, complete with a black cape and staff. Thick black horns were glued onto a headband, and she wore delicate silver wing-shaped studs.

“Are the wings to symbolize the crow?” he asked, with a vague memory of the movie plot when she had shown it to him.

“No, stupid, I couldn’t get giant wings for her so I got mini ones,” Reyna rolled her eyes, and Nico nodded as more of the movie came back to him. He had forgotten about the wings if they were being completely honest, but he kept that part to himself. “And thanks, though I have to duck every time I walk through a doorway because of the horns.”

“You wouldn’t if you weren’t going on six feet tall.”

“You’re just jealous,” she quipped, and Nico hated that she’s sort of right. Being 5 '4 in a school where every guy seems to be over 6 foot is both a blessing and a curse.

Jason stepped out the door just then. “Nico what the hell are you supposed to be?”

“A dementor? From Harry Potter?” Nico replied incredulously, pulling his hood over his head. It was Bianca and Reyna’s idea, and it meant he got to wear a black cloak, so he went along with it. 

“Haven’t you only seen like, three of the movies?” 

Nico flushed. “Unimportant.” 

“Jason, this is like a new level of laziness for you. Where is your costume?” Reyna interrupted with a sigh, looking defeated. Nico pulled his hood back down, noticing for the first time he appeared to be dressed in everyday clothing.

Jason always encouraged them strongly to dress up, but when it came time for him to find a costume he seemed to go the easiest route. 

“This is my costume! I’m  _ Where’s Waldo? _ !” he defended, gesturing towards himself. Nico tilted his head and squinted, sort of understanding it with his red and white striped crewneck and the red and white hat, as well as a pair of blue jeans and his normal glasses. 

Without context, though, he sort of just looked like he was dressing for the cold weather. 

Reyna sighed again. “Come with me, I think your sister has a cane from one of the shows somewhere. It’ll at least help instead of making you look like a casual Santa.”

“I  _ do not _ !” he protested as he followed Reyna back inside.

Nico sat down on one of Jason’s lawn chairs, knowing it would probably be some time before the two came back out. He sort of always suspected that Reyna liked Jason, but unfortunately his crush on Piper was clear to everyone except for him, which ended in some harsh friendzoning. At least Piper and Reyna got along, for the most part. 

Up until recently, Nico considered trying to help try and get Jason and Piper together because as far as he could see, Piper maybe liked him back. 

Now though, he was working against them, and that was  _ crushing  _ to his spirit. 

He debated sending Blue and email about it, but unfortunately, that was just part of the secret Nico was keeping from him.

It still sort of hurt knowing that he was hiding something so major from Blue. It hurt knowing that Blue didn’t want to reveal their identities yet because that would just make life _ so much simpler.  _

That was Blue’s business, though, and Nico was willing to cross any line for him. Which was how he got caught up in all this shit anyway. 

With the memory of his conversation with Octavian parking in his brain, Nico leaned back and cursed quietly to himself. He still had no idea how he was actually going to help Octavian to get Piper to like him, considering she’s already threatening him, and changing Piper’s mind wasn’t very easy.

Speaking of Piper, Jason and Reyna were just walking back out the door with a wooden cane when Piper walked through Jason’s gate, dressed in a Wonder Woman costume, including a red tank top tucked into denim shorts printed like the American flag, and a small circlet of gold rope hanging from one of her belt loops. Her hair was in a half up/half down ponytail, a gold headband with a red star was pushed back on her forehead, and white socks were pulled up along her ankle from her pair of red Converse high tops. 

“Wow, Piper you look… amazing,” Jason paused from his spot in the doorway, taking it all in. 

Nico didn’t miss the way Reyna’s eyes flashed before she, too, complemented Piper’s costume.

She thanked them both just as Nico sighed, realizing that he was going to have to tell them about Octavian.

“By the way,” he stared down at his shoes, already regretting his decision. “I invited Octavian to ride with us.” Immediately, there was a chorus of groans and Nico winced.

“Why did you have to invite _ him, _ ” Jason asked, throwing his head back at the same time Reyna asks “Is this a Make-A-Wish situation?”

Nico swallowed. “He’s cool, trust me.”

* * *

Needless to say, Octavian was  _ not _ very cool, and neither was his costume. He tried dressing like some sort of greek god in a toga and laurel wreath but ended up looking more like someone’s failed beach wedding.

After a painful 10 minute car ride that felt more like 10 hours, they finally got to the Stolls’ house. Nico was hoping that Octavian would disappear, but he clung to Nico and Piper as they walked inside the house. 

“Hey, guys!” Travis Stoll greeted them, clearly already tipsy.

He was dressed in a pair of overalls with a matching red shirt and hat embedded with a white  _ M _ . Nico could only imagine that Connor was then wandering around somewhere with an identical green costume. The Stolls’ made it a habit to dress in ironically matching costumes, which only confused people more whenever they tried to explain that they weren’t twins.

“Can I get you guys any drinks?” They all nodded except for Octavian and Reyna. As Nico and his friends followed Travis into the kitchen, he was glad to notice that Octavian dropped off somewhere along the way. Hopefully, he wouldn't be back for a while.

The kitchen was less crowded than the rest of the party. It was mainly just people stopping in the get drinks and then leaving. Only two figures stuck around to have a conversation at the bar. One was Lou Ellen, who was dressed in a black dress and a pointy witch hat. The other was currently looking down at their drink.

The shark person lifted their head at the noise, and Nico instantly smiled at who it was. “Will, you made it! And that’s a great costume!”

Will returned his smile with a dazzling grin of his own, and Nico felt his heart skip a beat. “Thank you! I’ve been recycling it for a few years now so I’m glad somebody still likes it.” 

Next to him, Lou Ellen rolls her eyes.

“You’re costume is great. A dementor, right?”

Nico’s smile grew. “Yeah, exactly.” 

Will gestured over to Jason. “And Jason is dressed as… as Jason.”

Apparently, Jason heard them though, and turned around, looking exasperated. “No, I’m  _ Where’s Waldo? _ !” 

Will nodded. “Right,” he said seriously, before turning to Nico and giving him a look of amusement that made Nico’s heart thud in his chest. 

Travis handed Piper three cups, who handed Jason and Nico each one.

Nico took a sip from his and cringed immediately at the taste. “What the hell is this?”

Will leaned over and takes a sniff of the cup. “Dunno. Smells fruity. Screwdriver, maybe?”

Nico wrinkled his nose. “It’s a little vodka-heavy. Tastes like an actual screwdriver,” he said before taking another sip, once again pulling a face of disgust. 

“I’m taking you don’t drink often?”

“Once a year, always on Halloween,” Nico rolled his eyes. “And maybe wine at Christmas.”

Will laughed softly, shaking his head as a few curls fell in front of his eyes, and Nico felt heat pooling in his stomach. 

If Will  _ wasn’t _ Blue, well, they might have a problem.

* * *

At some point in the party, Nico found himself walking past the living room where drunk karaoke was taking place, and outside. His eyes were trained on Will, who's standing next to a ping pong table full of red solo cups. The sleeves of his onesie are now rolled up to his forearms, showing off more tan, freckled skin. 

When Will noticed Nico walking towards him, his eyes lit up. “Nico! Hey, you wanna play beer pong?”

Nico didn’t, not really, but he’s tipsy and he needed an excuse to be around Will more, so he found himself agreeing. The way Will grinned at him made it feel sort of worth it, at least. 

“Okay, cool! We just need two more people.”

Nico glanced around them. “Okay, how about me and you on a team, and then…” he trailed off, searching for someone he at least knew so he’ll be able to laugh about this later with them. 

His eyes fell on Piper and Reyna dancing together with Annabeth, who’s dressed as Harley Quinn. He could see Octavian trying (and failing) to budge his way into their little circle, and an idea sparked in his head. “And Octavian and Piper?” 

Will’s eyes narrowed for a second at the mention of Octavian’s name, and Nico cursed himself internally for forgetting about the unspoken feud Will had against him. Thankfully, he seemed to shrug it off. “Sure. I wouldn’t mind kicking Octavian’s butt.”

Octavian looked up at the mention of his name, and Nico nodded at him and Piper.

‘ _ Me _ ?  _ And him?! _ ’ Piper mouthed, waving her arms. Nico just shrugged and nodded in response, and Piper groaned. Annabeth and Reyna both gave her a pitying look as she walked over to Nico and Will.

“You are gonna pay for this, di Angelo,” she hissed as she walked past him to the other side of the table, although Nico didn’t feel all that threatened by her anymore. (Which was probably the alcohol in his blood talking.) 

“Okay, have you ever played before?” Piper asked, rubbing her hands together.

“Oh, totally, yeah,” Octavian nodded, clearly lying. Both Nico and Will refrained from rolling their eyes at him; they exchanged a look of exasperation instead. 

_ Maybe this wasn’t the best idea… _

Piper, who either didn’t notice or didn’t care (probably the latter) continued with the rules. “Alright, two reracks, no blowing, and two balls in the cup means you have to take three, okay?” 

Will and Nico both nodded, and Nico’s glad he’s played beer pong with Piper before, otherwise he would have _ no  _ clue what she meant. 

Octavian, on the other hand, clearly had no idea what she was talking about. He mumbled something about  _ thinking they were playing a different game, _ and this time, Nico couldn’t help but roll his eyes. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Will doing the same.

“We’ll just explain as we go along,” Nico sighed, getting in position to toss the first ball.

“Oh, wait,” Will interrupted him, putting a hand on his shoulder, and Nico felt like an electric current was running through his body. “Maybe you should tie these sleeves up. Wouldn’t want to prohibit your shot.”

He helped Nico tie the long sleeves of his cloak up at his shoulders, and Nico was definitely blushing now. “Thank you,” he told Will, who just smiled and nodded.

Nico kissed the ball before shooting it, and mentally thanked all the times his friends forced him to play with them as it landed in a cup.

Octavian looked over at Piper, who shrugged. “All you.”

Octavian just nodded, picking up the drink and chugging it. He attempted a throw after that, completely missing. Both Nico and Will had to bite their lip to stop themselves from laughing.

They went back and forth for a while, Octavian doing most of the work for him and Piper’s team while she stood by the side and watched, both tired and amused by his antics.

As for Nico and Will, well, they’re  _ killing  _ the game. 

They ended up winning with four cups left still on their side. Nico was drunker now from the few cups Octavian  _ did  _ manage to get a ball into, and he and Will hugged. The contact is more than what Nico could process at the moment, making his senses completely overwhelmed. 

It’s not in a bad way though, and it’s the most fun he’s ever had at one of these parties. Heck, it’s the most fun he’s had all  _ week _ , ever since the whole mess with Octavian started. 

Except Nico’s forgotten about Blue for the time being, because right now he’s here, living in the moment with a really cute guy in a shark onesie, which is honestly all he could ever ask for. 

* * *

  
  


After a rousing drunk duet with Will, followed by an embarrassing karaoke solo of his own, Nico found himself staring at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. He could still hear the party music pounding outside, and he’s probably drunk out of his mind, but at this moment, he feels stone-cold sober. 

This is his time to tell Will that  _ he’s _ Angel. 

“Hey, Will, it’s  _ me _ , Angel!” he slurred, practicing what to say. This was his moment to let it all go; he couldn’t afford to mess it up. And maybe it’s drunken confidence that he’ll regret the morning after, but at least it will be _ out _ . 

He tried again. “Hey, Will. _ I’m Angel.” _

That didn’t sound right either. Maybe something witty… “Hey, did you fall from heaven? Because you look like an angel. I’m an angel too! Y’know… Angel? That’s me!”

He sighed. “Just had to pick Angel, huh, di Angelo?”

Despite his failed efforts, he left the bathroom in search for Will. He’s still upstairs, and he saw Will disappear up the stairs earlier when he was singing, so it’s his best bet as to where he is. 

He moved through the hallway, not sure which door to try first.

There's some sort of movement coming from the room at the end of the hallway. Praying he’s not walking in on Travis and his girlfriend, he opened the door.

What he found was something worse.

Will sat on the edge of the bed. The sleeves of his onesie were pushed up farther than they were before, nearly to his shoulders, and his hood was pushed down. The first button or so is unbuttoned, revealing a white shirt underneath. 

All of this could be due to overheating if it weren’t for the girl in his lap.

Nico felt his heart drop as they both stopped making out to turn and look at him in surprise. He vaguely recognized the girl; Lacy, who was dressed in some sort of slutty Snow White costume, was in the grade below them.

Will stood up, making a move to go towards him, but Nico started backing out of the room as he choked out an apology. 

“I thought this was the bathroom, sorry,” he said quickly before running from the room. He moved back for a second to close the door, apologizing again. 

He sat down for a second outside the room, clawing at his hair. He wanted to unsee it all, wanted to forget it. Wanted to unsee the way Lacy was running her fingers through Will’s hair. Wanted to unsee the way Will gripped her waist, pulling her towards him. Wanted to unsee how she moved back towards Will as he was closing the door. 

He wanted to forget Will altogether, how he looked so apologetically guilty of something when Nico walked in on them, and how his eyes followed Nico on the way out. 

He took a deep breath, pulling himself together. It would have been too easy if it was Will. He needed to keep going, needed to keep looking.

He tried to ignore how broken he felt inside on the way back downstairs.

When Nico reached the bottom of the staircase, his eyes quickly scanned the room for Reyna. He was way too tired to try and make it through the rest of the party. He really didn’t want to hang out with anyone but Will right now anyway. 

Nico spotted Jason, who was passed out on the couch next to Piper. She had on Reyna’s horn-headband for some reason, but at least that meant Reyna was probably nearby. 

Just as he spotted her behind the couch talking to Percy, who was wearing a bucket hat and a leopard print shirt, appearing to be dressed as Mr. D (probably out of spite) when Octavian walked up to him. 

Nico sighed, shaking his head. “Not now, Octavian, alright? I’ve had a long night—” He was interrupted, though, by Octavian puking all over his shoes. 

“God, _ really _ ?” Nico cried, stepping back from him.

Octavian lifted his head, looking more drunk than apologetic. “Sorry,” he muttered, before running off.

Nico just grimaced, trying to look anywhere but down. Thankfully, Reyna witnessed the entire situation and made her way over to him.

“Let’s go home,” he sighed, and she nodded. 

* * *

  
  


The car ride home was peaceful; something Nico was relieved after the night he just had.

They had left the party with Jason and Piper, who had basically fallen asleep on top of each other in the backseat until they reached their respective homes. Thankfully, Octavian didn’t follow them out.

Once everyone was dropped off and Nico was sure Reyna was asleep on the mattress at the foot of his bed, he pulled out his laptop. 

Reyna had seemed off that night. Usually, she was this confident, respectable figure that everyone wanted to have the approval of. She was usually sociable at parties, and tonight it was no different, but she seemed to always be watching everyone from afar. Like she wasn’t totally in the moment.

It was weird to see someone you look up to be in the exact same situation that Nico felt like he was in most of the time.

Nico decided he was going to consult Blue about his friend group. He may have said that he wouldn’t, but now he was so sick of being in between everything, and there was one person that could clear some of the fog from his brain.

**From:** bettertoburn@gmail.com

**To:** blue0919@gmail.com

**Date:** Oct 31 at 12:44 AM

**Subject: ** Advice Needed

_ This isn’t something I would typically ask for help with, but I honestly don’t know what to do. One of my friends likes the other, but he has no idea because he likes someone else. Any idea about what to do? _

_ Anyway, to not make this email completely useless if you have no idea either, I’ll talk about what I’ve been thinking about recently. _

_ Have you ever realized that straight people never have to come out? I mean like, besides the unfortunate situation when someone assumes you’re gay and you’re not, but nobody is going to get mad about you being straight. So why do I have to come out? Why does my family have to know I like guys for it to be respectful before I hypothetically have a boy to bring home? _

_ (I don’t.) _

_ Love, Angel _

It felt like second nature writing the email; just typing as his thoughts went. He sent it without reading it over like he usually does.

He was about to close his laptop and go to sleep when something he had written caught the corner of his eye.

_ Love, Angel. _

“ _ Shit! _ ” Nico whispered to himself. He quickly tried to see if there was any way to reverse what he had just sent, but the damage had been done.

Nico just had to hope that Blue doesn’t flip out because of it.

* * *

Nico was sitting in his fourth period math class the next day, barely paying attention and counting down the minutes until he could go take a nap in the library during lunch. The consequences of last night were hitting hard, and he was dealing with a pounding headache and nausea every time he looked at the math problems on the board. Whoever thought most kids would actually show up to school the day after Halloween wasn’t thinking clearly. 

More than half of Nico’s grade was missing, including the Jason and Piper. The Stolls weren’t there either, though that was to be expected. Nico would be surprised if they even showed up on Monday.

Will Solace was in school, which unfortunately shattered Nico’s last hope of what he walked in on just being entirely alcohol-influenced. Nico felt his heart pang as he realized it was probably time to move on from Will in search for the real Blue.

Anyway, math was hell in general, but especially worse today. His Algebra 2 teacher, Mrs. Dodds, was an actual demon. (She once threatened a kid by telling them she drank  _ baby tears _ .) As she tried to teach them compound inequalities, Nico felt his eyes drooping further and further. He eventually just gave in to the risk that he might face the wrath of the demon for sleeping in her class, and he let his eyes slip shut. 

(Besides, maybe a quick nap would help his headache.)

Just as he nearly fell asleep completely, Nico felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, and his heart dropped.

He had been dreading Blue’s response ever since he sent that email with the L-word last night. Best case scenario was Blue would just skip over the ending, but judging by the way Nico read and reread every email that he received, he sort of doubted it. 

Some excitement that came with it. It was the truth, wasn’t it? Otherwise, Nico wouldn’t have written it. Obviously, there was a huge amount of fear, but it also made Nico’s heart pound dizzyingly every time he thought about Blue.

Sparing a glance at Mrs. Dodds, who still had her back turned, Nico quickly pulled out his phone. He hoped he’s not risking a Saturday detention for a text from Jason, but when he saw the Gmail icon alongside a familiar email address, his breath caught in his throat. 

Nico held his breath as he swiped open the notification, ignoring the way his eyes strained painfully from trying to read with this cursed hangover headache. 

_ This could be it, _ he thought, then shook the thought away and began to read. 

**From:** blue0919@gmail.com

**To:** bettertoburn@gmail.com

**Date:** Nov 1 at 10:52 AM

**Subject:** Re: Advice Needed

_ You have to be 21 to gamble, and it’s too bad I’m not because if I were to bet that you were drunk emailing me last night, I think I’d hit the jackpot. _

_ (Luckily, it seems I’ve hit the jackpot getting to meet you.) _

_ You’re probably freaked out about what I’m going to say here, but don’t be. I liked it.  _

_ I like you, Angel, but I think you already knew that. _

_ And you’re right about the coming out thing, that does suck. But I’m actually glad you mentioned it because you’ve inspired me to come out to my mom. So thank you, really. You don’t understand how much you’ve done for me. _

_ Love, Blue. _

_ (P.S; I guess you didn’t catch on from the Nutella story, but I’m really bad at advice. I’m not quite sure what to do about your friends, but I honestly don’t think it’s anything you can fix. You can’t force someone to be in love with someone that they just… aren’t. Good luck, though, and make sure you’re there for them when they need you.) _

Nico felt like he had just stopped breathing altogether. Honestly, he didn’t think he breathed at all while reading that letter, and he sure as hell wasn’t breathing now. He reread the words “Love, Blue” over and over again, as he finally exhaled. 

(Secretly, silently, he cursed at himself for reading the email in Will’s voice. That second to last line hit too hard after last night.  _ It’s time to move on, di Angelo! _ )

Blue liked him. No, Blue _ loved _ him. And he was going to come out to his family, which maybe,  _ maybe _ meant he was one step closer to revealing his identity. 

Nico switched off his phone and shoved it into his bag, refusing to let his hopes get too high.

Nevertheless, he had never looked so happy in a math class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you dont understand my deep sorrow that i couldnt include the iconic "hey barack, its me, jacques" it was truly a hard hit in my life


	6. Oogum Boogum Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“I say, ‘Oogum oogum boogum boogum_   
_boogum now baby you're castin' your spell on me.’_   
_You got me doin' funny things like a clown_   
_just look at me”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops im finally back. im going to try and keep a consistent schedule for the next four-ish chapters at least so the christmas one lines up with the holidays irl but also its been a rough month so,,, no promises  
anyway, if you've read the book, you might know what i was trying to achieve with this chapter. if not, good luck. its one of the weirder ones (and also a shorter one, but y'all know whats coming)
> 
> thanks again to shelby for continuing to edit even though the big bang deadline is long passed. your doc comments always give me a laugh 
> 
> enough rambling nobody even reads these. enjoy!

The moment Nico got home from school that Wednesday, finally ready to be off for the long weekend for Thanksgiving, he could tell something was different.

For one thing, his father was actually home (per his car in the driveway.) And there were actually voices coming from the kitchen that greeted him, rather than the typical cold, empty silence.

Which could only mean one thing…

Nico’s eyes lit up the moment he stepped into the kitchen. “Bianca!”

His sister looked up from the conversation she was having with their father and Persephone. She immediately jumped up from the table, and Nico dropped his bag, practically running over to greet her.

The moment they hugged Nico realized how much he missed her. Life had been hectic, and as much as Blue may provide some sort of sense to his world, it felt amazing to have physical comfort again,

It almost made Nico want to tell Bianca about all he’s been through.

He stored that thought away for later, instead focusing on being here in the moment with his sister.

“I can’t believe you’re home,” he mumbled into her shoulder. (It wasn’t fair that she was 5’9 while he was stuck at 5'4.)

Bianca pulled back. “You didn’t really think I’d miss Thanksgiving, did you?”

“No! I’m just surprised you’re home so early! I thought you would be flying in the morning of.”

“Nope,” Bianca smiled, leading him over to the dining table where their parents still sat. “I got done with classes yesterday, so I took the day to get my stuff together, and then took a train this morning.”

“You took the train?” Nico asked, bewildered. “But that’s like… an eight hour trip”

Bianca shrugged. “Airline security during the holidays from now until the New Year is horrible. I didn’t really feel like waiting hours in line, so I thought I would just suck it up and make it easier on myself.” She paused before changing the subject. “Now, where’s that sister of ours?”

Nico smiled. “Probably getting a ride home from Frank.”

Bianca raised an eyebrow, a matching smile spreading across her face. “Ah, yes. The infamous Frank.” Nico and Bianca tried to call each other once a week whenever Bianca was free to talk, and during those calls, Nico did his best to catch her up on what was going on at home. “Will I ever get to meet this boy?”

Nico shrugged. “Dunno. None of us have met him yet. Maybe you’ll be our lucky charm.”

As if on cue, they heard the door shut, and Hazel walked in. “Bianca!”

A near-identical greeting to Nico’s ensued, and soon the five of them were sitting in the family room, drinking hot chocolate together as they caught Bianca up on everything Nico had missed during their phone calls. 

“So tell me about this Frank,” Bianca smiled, crossing her legs and giving Hazel a look over the top of her mug as she took another sip. 

Hazel immediately flushed, curls bouncing as she shook her head. “I told you guys, he’s just a friend. But, um, we  _ are _ going to the homecoming dance together,” she said, more to her mug than to her family. 

Bianca smiled calmly. She opened her mouth to say something, but Nico cut her off.

“ _ What?” _

When Hazel and Bianca both gave him a warning look, he took a deep breath and tried again. “You didn’t tell me that.”

“Yeah, because I knew I wouldn’t hear the end of it!” Hazel retorted, causing Bianca to giggle while Nico huffed. Persephone and just watched bemusedly from the side, and even their father had the hint of a smile on his face.

“Speaking of homecoming, who are you bringing, Neeks?” Bianca asked, elbowing him with a sly smile.

“Oh, um. Nobody, I don’t think. I mean, I’m going with friends but not, like, with a date.” 

He wasn’t lying; he really did only plan on going with friends. It was tradition by that point for his group to go to the dance together unless somebody got asked, and even then they usually just included their date in the group. Plus, even if Nico _ did  _ have a date, he doubted he would really fit Bianca’s expectations. 

What she said next just confirmed his suspicion. “Why not? Are girls not lining up to ask you out? I thought people were into the whole  _ edgy and mysterious  _ thing nowadays.”

Nico scuffed his toe on the carpet. “Haha, uh, yeah. Not exactly,” he said, refusing to make eye contact with anyone.  _ Because I’m gay. GAY! _

_ Maybe coming out to Bianca this week wasn’t the best idea… _

* * *

Nico excused himself to his room later that night after a game of monopoly, despite his sister’s many attempts.

“We could watch _ Titanic? _ ” Hazel offered, but Nico just shook his head. While it was one of their shared favorite movies, (especially Nico’s), he wasn't exactly in the mood. 

Also, he didn’t really feel like explaining tonight that the reason he loved it so much was because of a young Leonardo DiCaprio.

He wanted to ask Blue how the coming out process with his family was going, maybe even get a few pointers. However, when he opened his laptop that night, Nico was surprised to see an email already waiting for him. And judging by the subject line, Nico wasn’t sure what he was supposed to expect as he clicked on it. 

**From:** blue0919@gmail.com

**To:** bettertoburn@gmail.com

**Date: ** Nov 27 at 5:41 PM

**Subject: ** This might be a lot to take in

_ I’ve had such a weird day. So much happened I can’t even tell if it's real, and what’s good or bad about it.  _

_ When I got home from school yesterday, both of my parents were there. As in, my mom and my actual birth father. I haven’t seen my dad since I was 4 years old. He stopped sending me birthday money when I was about 10. I sort of assumed he was dead. _

_ Apparently, he’s not dead, though, and he and my mom were just sitting there like he hasn’t been ignoring us for the past 12 years of my life.  _

_ And get this: there were two other kids there. Apparently, I have siblings (and the worst part is, my mom told me later that I might have more. I could have 10 siblings and I wouldn’t even know. My father is a manwhore, apparently.) _

_ The room was dead silent and I just had to sit there awkwardly with these two other kids and listen to them explain the situation. Apparently, my mom is adopting them because my father isn’t fit to take care of them. He essentially guilted her into it because he’s a deadbeat and my mom is the kindest person you’ll ever meet.  _

_ Anyway, after an excruciating hour of small talk, they excused us. Except my house is small and it’s quiet, and when they started arguing we just sat silently on the staircase. They didn’t even last a whole minute before they were screaming at each other. We could hear every word.  _

_ Imagine being stuck with two people you’ve never met but are apparently related to. I felt trapped at the top of this staircase, just sitting between the wall and the railing as they watched me. I honestly felt like banging my head on the wall a few hundred times until it broke through, but they both already seemed so scared.  _

_ Anyway, they’re moving in a little before the holiday break, which means I need to get to know them well enough soon so I can get them gifts for Hannukah. (If they grew up celebrating Christmas… well I don’t know what to do then). My half-sister (that’s so weird to say) is a freshman, and my half-brother is a sophomore. I don’t know a thing about either of them but after the holiday break, they’re coming to CHS. I’m being completely honest here, Angel, I don’t know how I feel about it yet.  _

_ My dad wants to take me out to dinner or something before he disappears forever, and I honestly don’t know what to do. I wasn’t expecting any of this.  _

_ I’m so lost, Angel. If anyone can find some sort of humor in this, it’s you. Or just distract me. You’re good at that too. _

_ Love, _

_ Blue _

Nico felt like he was looking at a weird, distorted mirror, like something you would find in a funhouse. Who knew Blue would have such a similar situation to something Nico had dealt with years prior?

He knew that this would have come out sooner or later the more they went in detail about their lives, so biting the bullet, he started to type.

**From:** bettertoburn@gmail.com

**To:** blue0919@gmail.com

**Date: ** Nov 27 at 7:45 PM

**Subject:** Re: This might be a lot to take in

_ You probably won’t believe this, Blue, but I’ve been through something similar.  _

_ Remember when I mentioned my half-sister and how it wasn’t a long story I was interested in getting into? Yeah, apparently when my mom died (I was maybe two years old at the time) my dad had some interesting coping mechanisms. And 12 years later after her mom died, suddenly I’m being told that I have another sister. Not exactly something you’d expect to hear at 13 years old. _

_ But, I learned to love her. She’s my sister through and through. _

_ You know me, Blue. I’m not one for pep talks, and I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. It wasn’t for me. Nor will I say I understand, because frankly, there’s no way I can understand what you’re feeling completely. You’re not crazy for feeling the way you do. _

_ I’m here to support you. If anyone can get through this, it’s you. _

_ (That’s really cheesy and unhelpful) (But also true) _

_ Love, _

_ Angel _

Nico let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding once he sent it. It was sort of scary how much he was willing to risk just to comfort Blue, but it felt worth it. 

He would do anything for Blue.

Now if only they could work up the courage to reveal their identities before someone did it for them.


	7. Love Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _”And love me_   
_If that's what you wanna do”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi friends! long time no see! i've had this chapter written forever but i kinda took an unintentional writing break at the beginning of this year after i wasnt able to finish the christmas chapter in time so this is very long overdue  
anyway, enjoy!

Thanksgiving came and went, and soon Bianca was on her train back to college, leaving a quiet house in her absence. 

They talked, of course, more than they had talked over the phone. But they never went in deep about anything. Nico never brought up his secret, and Bianca dropped asking about homecoming all together.

It felt like she already knew. Nico came_ so close _ to telling her just to get that weight off his chest, but every time he was about to bring it up, he didn’t. 

It felt so dangerous with the circumstance he was already under. Technically, he had already come out to two people, but something about telling someone face to face out of his own will _ terrified _ him. 

Deep down, he knew Bianca wouldn’t care. So why was he so scared?

The same reason he was scared to tell any of his friends, probably. He didn’t want anything to change, didn’t want their view on him to change. And if word got out, the best thing to ever happen to him would slip away. He couldn’t lose Blue, not now. 

Not ever.

Drew’s voice cut through his thoughts, as she finished her long list of plans for Christmas break, before asking “Anybody else going somewhere for Christmas?” they had been folding programs for the show at this rehearsal as people were getting fitted for costumes.

Nico shrugged as if he had been listening to what she had been saying the entire time. “Staying here. We have a classic di Angelo gingerbread decorating contest.” He said as he folded the program in his hand that he realized he had been clutching, unfolded for a few minutes now.

Piper grinned next to him. “I was the judge last year with Jason. You should have seen Nico’s house! Covered it with red frosting to look like blood with dead gingerbread men and ghosts! Called it his ginger_ dead _ house”

Nico tried to ignore the sound of Will laughing across from him, blue eyes squinting as his smile grew. He was there helping out backstage, mainly just to bother Lou Ellen and Cecil. (And to not let Nico get over his crush, apparently.) His gaze moved quickly from Octavian (_ ew _) to Drew, who was rolling her eyes.

“What about you, Piper?” she asked, switching focus.

Piper shifted uncomfortably. “My dad will probably be away on a shoot, so either I’ll fly out to be with him, or I’ll be home alone,” she said, trying to shrug it off, but Nco could see the sadness in her eyes.

He patted her knee. “Come over to my house if you need to. I’m sure my parents would love to have you as a judge again.”

When he looked up, Will was smiling at him again, making Nico’s chest clench. 

“I’m going to a cabin with my mom,” Percy grinned from where he was sitting, not helping them at all. “No WiFi, just me and my mom and the lake.”

“In the middle of the winter?” Piper asked. “Won’t it be frozen?”

“Yup. Prime ice skating conditions.”

Nico rolled his eyes. “I hope you fall in,” her muttered, earning another laugh from Will, making his chest even tighter. 

“We don’t usually go anywhere, but I think my mom is planning a trip for me and my siblings this year. Bonding, or something,” Will says after a moment.

“You have siblings?” Nico asked, surprised. He never recalled Will ever mentioning them. “Do they go here?”

Now it was Will’s turn to look uncomfortable. “Oh, um, yeah. I have a sister and a brother. Kayla and Austin.” His smile was still there, but there was an emotion in his eyes that Nico couldn’t quite read.

“Cool,” he said, softly, not wanting to push Will any further, although it left him with more questions than answers. 

Next to Will, Octavian suddenly sucked in air through his teeth, dramatically dropping the program he had been folding. If that weren’t enough to convince Nico that he wasn’t actually hurt, he grabbed his finger with a dramatic “_ Owww. _”

Nico sighed. Wherever Octavian was going with this, he didn’t like it. “You good?”

“Yeah, paper cut,” he responded, giving Nico a look saying _ come with me. _Nico could see that perfectly clear, but he chose to ignore it. When he did, Octavian continued. “Nico, do you know where the bandages are?”

“Yeah, they’re right back there in the supply closet,” Nico said, still not giving in.

“You mind showing me?”

Nico had to stop himself from groaning. He wanted to scream at Octavian to just leave him alone for once, but there was no way out of this situation he was stuck in. Octavian, always concerned about himself, didn’t know how to take a hint either. He nodded his head towards the closet, and Nico just sighed as he stood up. Worried glances from both Piper and Will followed him, but he shook it off.

“Be right back,” he assured them, which only seemed to settle Piper as he followed Octavian to the back.

When they walked into the closet, Octavian spun on his heel. “I don’t actually have a paper cut.”

“Yeah, I got that,” Nico muttered.

“I don’t want to have to leak your emails, di Angelo, but-”

“Look, you can’t bring Blue into this,” Nico cut him off angrily. “If he found out my emails got leaked, he would disappear. He’d never talk to me again.” Just the idea of it made tears prick at his eyes. 

_ One of these days, Octavian is going to push too far, and Nico is going to break. _

Octavian just shrugged. “Yeah, he probably would. Internet’s a freaky place to meet people.”

Just as Nico was about to argue back at him, Piper walked through the door, causing them both to panic.

“.._ Freaky Friday! _” Nico said suddenly, trying to recover from anything she might have overheard.

Octavian nodded along. “Fun movie.” It wasn’t great acting (better than his fake paper cut bit) but Nico appreciated the coverup. Octavian was still far from a decent human being, but at least he didn’t out Nico. Yet.

Piper looked between the two of them, a confused smile growing on her face. “You guys are weird,” he states, before moving to look around the closet. “I just came to get a band-aid. You were right, those programs _ are _a bitch.”

Octavian elbowed him, signaling Nico to say something. He quickly thought of an idea, bracing himself as he began to talk. _ Please don’t hate me, Piper. _

“So, um, Octavian was having some trouble with his lines, so we were thinking of going to the Waffle House tonight and go over them, run a few scenes, if you wanna come,” he said quickly, trying his best to seem natural about it. _ Please don’t hate me, Piper. Please don’t hate me. _

For a moment, Piper’s face dropped, as did Nico’s stomach. _ Please don’t hate him. He messed up. Please don’t hate him. _

Then, the smile was back. “Really?” she asked earnestly. “That would be great, actually!” Both relief and guilt flooded Nico.

Octavian patted him on the back the moment Piper was out of sight again. “Good work di Angelo.”

“Go to hell, Octavian.”

* * *

Nico slipped out of the Waffle House the moment he noticed Leo standing outside, most likely on his break. 

Actually, he was escaping the hell that was his booth with Piper and Octavian, as well as Octavian’s multiple attempts of flirting. He was hurting Piper, not that she realized, and it was hurting him in the process. Leo just happened to be the perfect excuse to get him away from all that.

Leo Valdez is a junior, though Nico’s never really talked to him that much before. They’ve had a few classes together over the years, and Nico knows he’s good friends with Piper and Jason, but for some reason, he’s never really seen him around. He’s also a waiter at Waffle House, apparently, and something about him is setting off bells in Nico’s head.

Nico doesn’t think he’s Blue. Leo is like a ball of fire, while Blue is a calming wave. And yet, there’s more than one side to a person, so he hasn’t ruled him out yet. And besides, maybe he’ll at least be interesting to get to know. 

He shivered, pulling his jacket tighter as he walked over to Leo, who was typing something on his phone. “Were you in my Bio class last year?” Nico asked, and Leo looked up from his phone, surprised.

“I think so, yeah.”

“Were you there last year when some kid ate the flower we were experimenting on while we had a sub, and she emailed our teacher who had to email the class because it turned out the flower was poisonous?” 

Leo grinned. “Yep. That was me, actually, who ate the flower.”

_ Not the response Nico was expecting, but he’ll take it. _“Wait, really? What happened?”

“Called poison control, got it all sorted out.” Leo was still grinning, sort of mischievously like he was planning it all over again. “Somehow I lived through.”

Nico smiled. “Somehow.”

Leo glanced back at the restaurant. “Nancy’s glaring, that’s my cue to go. See ya, di Angelo,” he said, tapping one last thing on his phone before he walked back inside while Nico just stood there and watched.

He wasn’t completely sure if Leo was Blue or not. Sure, he wouldn’t mind if Leo was Blue. He was funny and charismatic, which was helpful to have in social situations. And he was pretty good looking. (Or maybe Nico just had a thing for curly hair.) At the same time, though, it felt like maybe their personalities were completely different. So was Nico just making it up because he liked the idea of it, or did he actually believe it? He wasn’t really sure.

Until his phone buzzed in his pocket.

Only a second ago had Leo been typing something on his phone. That last tap before he went inside could have been him hitting the send button. If it was that perfectly lined up, could it really be a coincidence?

Leo’s voice echoed in his head as he read the email.

**From:** blue0919@gmail.com

**To:** bettertoburn@gmail.com

**Date:** Nov 30 at 5:57 PM

**Subject: **Holiday Horrors

_ My mom is currently planning a trip for Hanukkah, which I don’t think we’ve ever done before, but I think she just wants my siblings (still weird to say) to feel okay coming into this family. Obviously, I still don’t really know that much about them, but I really hope they like me and feel as safe here as I do. _

_ It’s also sort of scary because I imagine when I tell my mom, I’ll probably have to tell them too. I just hope that doesn’t change anything/ _

_ My dad wanted me to see him, spend a day with him over the holidays, but I passed up. He’s already shown me all that he can give me, I don’t need anything more. On the other hand, though, my mom told me he’s bisexual, so maybe I could get my first real coming out over with him. Or not, I don’t know. Do I trade up my first experience just for it to be easy? I feel like I need to get used to it not being easy. _

_ Maybe I’m just going crazy. _

_ Love, Blue _

**From:** bettertoburn@gmail.com

**To:** blue0919@gmail.com

**Date:** Nov 30 at 6:01

**Subject: **re: Holiday Horrors

_ I don’t think you’re going crazy Blue. Crazy brave, if that’s what you meant. And crazy caring and compassionate at that. I’m sure your siblings love you for all your efforts. If they haven’t yet, they will. Take it from experience. _

_ Love, Angel. _

Nico grinned to himself all the way through Blue’s email, as well as his own. He might not know who Blue is, but he knows what kind of person he is. Maybe it’s better that way. And something about that email made him consider maybe, _ maybe _ coming out to Hazel. She’s the one person Nico knows would love him through anything. 

Oh, and Leo isn’t completely ruled out yet either.

Nico’s got a lot to think about now as he heads back inside to the table from hell.

When he slid back into the booth, Octavian was dramatically leaning over the table, pointing his finger at a smiling Piper. “You, Piper McLean, deserve a goddamn superhero.” Immediately, his good mood is gone as he rolls his eyes. 

_ Ugh, give him a break._

* * *

“Octavian used to annoy the crap outta me, but he’s actually kind of...” Piper shrugged, looking out the window. “I don’t know. Not as bad.”

Nico sighed, gripping the steering wheel. There was a pit in his stomach that was weighing him down with guilt. He so desperately wanted to do the right thing, but honestly, he didn’t even know what that would be anymore. Tricking Piper like this, though, he knew that wasn’t right. He wasn’t sure what would make it better by this point, so he brought up something that could distract him.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you about your parents,” he said quietly as if he might be waking a monster. He found out pretty quick what was happening inside the restaurant when he got back. Octavian had pushed her, maybe a little too far, about her past. While it sort of hurt that she easily told him over Nico, he assumed it was his fault for never asking. “I just never wanted to make you uncomfortable.”

Piper shrugs, turning away from the window but still not looking at him. “Yeah, I don’t mention them that much. Kind of messes with my _ image _.”

“What_ image _?”

She shrugs again. “The girl who's only been at this school for a year and doesn’t want to be known as the one with the famous dad, or the mom that left them. The girl who's angry and sad all the time and has a history of being a kleptomaniac. A girl who still believes in love.”

_ Oh _. “I didn’t know that.”

“I didn’t know if you wanted to.”

Nico cleared his throat. “You still believe in love?” he attempted to scoff, but his heart was beating so fast he just sounded nervous.

“I don’t know, maybe.” Piper glanced over at him. “Have you ever been in love?”

Nico didn’t say anything for a moment. He didn’t know _ what _ to say. What _ could _he say right now? Anything, really. He could tell her everything. But at what cost? 

“I think so,” he said, before he pulled the car over.

Nico could see Piper glancing around in confusion, maybe almost nervous as they slowed to a stop. God, what if she thinks _ he’s _in love with her? There’s no way he’s getting out of this without telling her.

“Piper?” Nico asks, not really sure what he’s asking. He takes a breath.

Piper gave him a look he couldn't read. “Yeah?”

“I’m gay.”

It came out almost like a question like he’s asking for acceptance. The words hung in the air for just a moment, then-

“Oh,” she smiled, and the tension broke. “Okay.”

“You can’t tell anyone though. Nobody really knows, and I don’t really want people to find out yet-”

She shook her head. “I won’t, I promise.”

“Okay,” he whispered. His heart was still beating fast, but warmth filled his chest. 

He did it.

They sat in silence for a moment, not making eye contact, before Nico asked, “You surprised?”

“No.”

“So, you knew?” he asked, fearfully glancing over at her. _ How many other people knew? _

“No,” she assured him. 

“But you’re not surprised?”

Piper smiled again, and any nerves he had left completely drained from his body. “Do you want me to be surprised?” she asked genuinely.

For the first time, Nico smiled softly too. “I don’t know,” he said almost laughing as he looked back out the window. 

“Okay,” she was still looking at him; he could see her smile out of the corner of his eye. “Well, I love you, so…”

He let himself glance over at her, trying to ignore the pegging thoughts in his brain reminding him how much he would be hurting her right now if she knew. The warmth in his chest was gone, and now it was just tight with all the love and the hurt. Maybe he didn’t believe in romantic love (he honestly didn’t know yet) but there was some kind of love in this world, and he was so lucky to have it.

But what if she knew?  
“I love you too.”

Her smile, softer than before, hurt more than anything else.

Nico let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding, turning on his blinker as he began to drive again.

“There’s no one behind us you don’t need to-” Piper started and Nico almost laughed. The moment was over, maybe he could stop thinking about it.

“I know, just being safe.”

“Okay,” she whispered, and Nico could tell she was still smiling at him.

He tried to ignore the tightness that still remained in his chest as they drove away.

* * *

When Nico got home that night, he went straight to his room. He opened the window that led to a small balcony and climbed through. He sat down, leaning his head against the fence and looked up at the stars.

When he was younger, so much younger that the memories were faint, his mom would take him out here before she died every time he was scared or upset. He could hear her voice in his ear as he stared up at the sky.

“_ If things are changing _ -” she would tell him. “ _ Just remember the stars are still there. Even if it's cloudy at night or if the sun is out, they’re still there. Find peace in that.” _

_ What would she think of him now? _

He pulled his phone out, wiping away a stray tear that tried to escape, and opened his email.

**From:** bettertoburn@gmail.com

**To:** blue0919@gmail.com

**Date: **Nov 30 at 9:05 PM

**Subject: **You inspired me

_ You inspired me tonight, Blue. I came out to one of my friends and it went really well, so thank you. _

_ I hope everything goes okay with your mom and your siblings, but I’m pretty sure it will. _

_ Maybe afterward we can ride this bravery train and come out to each other for real? I’m dying to know who you are. _

_ Love, Angel _

He sent the email before he could overthink it, and went back inside to do homework, giving the stars one last glance.

Right before he was about to fall asleep later that night, he got a response.

**From:** blue0919@gmail.com

**To:** bettertoburn@gmail.com

**Date:** Dec 1 at 12:11 AM

**Subject: **re: You inspired me

_ I actually came out to everyone tonight. I thought it would be easier to just air it out now and let them think before we were stuck together with no escape on whatever vacation we’re going on. _

_ Everything went surprisingly okay. My mom of course was supportive, saying she would make me flag cookies for pride month and everything which was very sweet (literally). And my siblings were also nice about it. I really don’t think they care as much as I thought they would. (I almost made a joke about how I got it from my dad, but I didn’t want to push things.) _

_ And you’ve got it all wrong. It’s you who inspires me. _

_ I’m really glad everything went well with your friend. I’m just not ready yet for you to tell me. The real me. I’m sorry. _

_ Love, Blue _

_ (P.S- if it helps, I can’t stop thinking about who you are either. Someday soon I’ll tell you. Just not yet). _

_ (P.P.S- Happy December! Rabbits Rabbits Rabbits and all that) _

Sure, Nico was disappointed, but it was okay. Blue had said _ someday soon _, and all Nico had to do was hold onto that promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> real quick reminder to please not ask me to update, especially on a platform thats not my own. i had an incident where someone actually followed me into the comments of the fic of a friend of mine and asked me when i would update, and not only was it extremely disrespectful to my friend, but it made me freak out about posting which is why i dropped off the writing game for a bit.  
i got over it a while ago, but i would like to remind you that i am still in high school and my life is hectic. i try to write when i can, but its something i do as a hobby to express myself and i like to see everyones reactions! im trying my best not to be harsh when i say its not a chore, its not my career, and it is not your place to demand writing from me unless you are willing to pay me (which, ill gladly give you the link my ko-fi in that case).  
besides that, i appreciate all your comments otherwise. i do my best to respond to all of them because it truly means the world to me to see all the positive feedback and i love all of you! thank you so much for all the constant support, it does not go unnoticed! :)  
same socials as always! see you for the next one! thank you for reading! :) <3

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr @solange-lol


End file.
